Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Surreal-mind]

I'm not sure how to take this, it's still too soon for me to think about someone that way. What do you guys think?

Don't know if it is too soon or not, you're the only person who can know that for sure.
In my opinion it might be too soon to make a move on this girl, but don't shut her out, okay ? Just give it time 'till you're 100% sure how you feel about the whole deal.

[Kouryuu]

Kouryuu and Guest, thanks for your explanation. I think I can understand that you don't want to feel too reliant on others. Still, I think it's a bit rough to cut contact completely with someone just because you feel that you don't want to be white knighted or white princessed. Maybe it's because apart from my wife, I don't have any close friends, but if there was someone I could talk to in person about my problems, I would cherish them because "a friend in need is a friend indeed". I think it's OK to take some time to be alone, and also OK not to want to use a friend like a "wailing wall" or "agony aunt", but I would try to stay in touch with them. Again sorry if this sounds a bit harsh.

Yeah I understand, it's not like I wanted to cut contact, just after enough time I felt like I had to. For my own mind it has paid off whether or not we talk again is irrelevant of that fact.

@Guest

I hope that one day you can talk freely without that fear. I know from experience if your determined enough you can do anything. It sounds like you know what your doing though so I think you'll be ok ^^.

[ArazelEternal]

Well, the meeting of the new people went pretty well. They seemed pretty nice right off. I will have to meet them again a time or two to really decide, but the first time went well.

We will just have to see.

[Kouryuu]

Well, the meeting of the new people went pretty well. They seemed pretty nice right off. I will have to meet them again a time or two to really decide, but the first time went well.

We will just have to see.

I'm glad that it went well <3

[metalangel]

Good stuff Azrael!

[Exbando]

Good to hear, Azrael! Meeting new people is something I try to avoid. I only meet new people when I have to, like getting a new job. I should probably work on that...

*cough* Did no one see my post on the bottom of page 47? I find it hard to believe that nobody would have a response to it. *cough*

[Kutagh]

Good to hear, Azrael! Meeting new people is something I try to avoid. I only meet new people when I have to, like getting a new job. I should probably work on that...

*cough* Did no one see my post on the bottom of page 47? I find it hard to believe that nobody would have a response to it. *cough*

Didn't I say somewhere that I believe nobody is worthless or useless (albeit not directly to you)?

[Beoran]

Exbando,

If you don' t want to end up living with your folks in your thirties then both for jobs and relations you'll have to start working on it. I know it can be hard to get motivated, sometimes when we're in a bad place we just feel too bad to have the drive to change the situation, but that's exactly what is needed. Only incredibly lucky people get more out of life than they put in to it. I daresay the majority of people actually get less out of it than the work they put into it. It's not really fair, but there's sometimes no better way then just to keep on trying, fighting, looking...

KS is a bit idealistic but, suppose you could find a love that is 10% as good as in the game, that would already be nicer than being alone, right? I think it's not that hard at all to find a love that is 10% as good as the ones we see in KS. So, then why not look a bit harder to find your 25, 50, 75 or even 100%.

[Walrusfella]

*cough* Did no one see my post on the bottom of page 47? I find it hard to believe that nobody would have a response to it. *cough*

I thought a lot about your post, but it fell prey to my "I'll think about it some more and come up with something more useful to say" trap.

I definitely know that feeling of being rudderless and adrift. Over the past few years I've arranged my life to my liking, but I still have a job I hate and my career's still a shambles. I'm not all the way there yet, not by far. That said, all of the problems you mentioned are fixable - there's plenty of hope if you take action like Beoran said (it seems "do as Beoran says" is always good advice ). Concentrate on one problem at a time, so you don't look at the whole thing and give in to despair.

Like a lot of people on this thread, I had a awful time in school, I found it hard to talk to women, and I'm shy. I'm going to turn 30 this month; I'm married, I have my own place, a car, a motorcycle, a cat, and a measure of domestic bliss. You can have all that stuff too. You won't end up living with your parents at 30 if that's not what you want and you work on your problems. Life might seem bad now but you can make it better.

[Gandara]

I should probably work on that...

One of the biggest pitfalls you can trap yourself in is using words like these. Words like "should", "maybe", "probably" and "might" are no good when you're attempting to make a legitimate change in your life.

I dropped out of college at 19. I told myself, "I should go back to college." - six years later, I finally said, "I am going back to college." In high school and beyond, I constantly said, "I really should lose weight and get healthy." Today, I am saying "I am losing weight and I am getting healthy."

You cannot give yourself outs. If there's something that must happen in your life, it MUST happen. It cannot be pushed to the side due to inconvenience, apathy or laziness. You will lose years of your life if you put important change off, years you can never get back.

Do yourself a favor... tell yourself, "I am going to get a new job" and do not quit until you have a new job. It might take a long time, but you will find one eventually. And you will certainly never get a new job if you don't try.

[Xiious]

Update:

I'm pretty damn sure she likes me.

I found out yesterday that when me and her started hanging out, her boyfriend freaked out and told her to choose between him and me. And I'm guessing that because she hung out with me again today, she chose me over him. She broke up with him.

Now you may say, and I would agree, that something like that doesn't nessessarily mean anything too important.

But when we went our separate ways, walking home from lunch, I found myself grabbed by the arm, spun around, and kissed full on the lips. Then she ran, saying "See you again sometime!" I stood there for a good 10 minutes in shock.

I don't know what I feel right now, and I'm absolutely horrible at talking to girls when it comes to stuff like that.... I don't know what to do.

[Gandara]

I'm pretty damn sure she likes me.

Oh... yeah... it seems that she likes you.

Well, you got a few options. My recommendation is, if you feel like there MIGHT be something between the two of you but you're still not sure, tell her that you need some time. Ask her to take it slow. Does she know about the situation you're coming off of? If so, if she has a heart at all and if she really likes you, she will give you the time you need to figure things out for yourself.

I don't recommend giving her the cold shoulder, which might feel like the easiest thing to do. This will only set you back on the repairs you've been making. I also don't recommend jumping into this thing if you're not sure that you're ready for it. I'd rather not see you (or her) get hurt because it was too much, too soon.

I don't know how far along you are with your own healing, and you don't have to share if you're not comfortable, but I will say this - you will get over the past. Your life will carry on, and new experiences are just over the horizon of that new life. You don't have to rush... but you must always press forward. This might be a big step in your healing, but only if you are ready for it - only if you will allow yourself to be ready for it.

[Xiious]

As I said before, I'm absolutely horrible talking to girls about stuff like this. My life was dedicated to a girl who I never had to explain anything to, so really I have no idea what I'm going to do. Best possible scenario right now is I am reduced to red-faced silence in her presence. I really suck at talking to girls.

[Total Destruction]

Jesus. I hop across a few states and the HBHC gets NUTS.

@Aili: I can be kinda the same way, I can feel ya there. But hell, you've already demonstrated commitment to projects and to friends, so you're not a lost cause. I say this again: shut up and just DO it. Just taking the time and effort to keep what you promise is the perfect, and really only, solution. Handle it, girlfriend.

@AzraelEternal: JUMP ON IT JUMP ON IT JUMP ON IT GET OUT THERE AND MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. Two black broads is the best kind of sandwich to be in, hahahah! But seriously, good on ya!

@Exbando: I mighta already replied to ya, but I dunno, so I'll do it again. Dude, I'm like 20-something, without a job, without any real degree or certificate, kinda slumming by jumping at opportunities as they come by and seeing what the fuck. I'm no shining example of how to be a kickass dude, but at least I make the effort to go out and be a kickass dude, yanno? I getcha, perpetual ennui and the realization that "FUCK me I haven't done or will ever do a Goddamn thing" is rough, but hey, this world is nuts right now, and life is waaaay more complex than it should be. You're just in an extended metamorphosis, man. Just get out there and keep trying, even if it seems pointless, because fuck entropy, that's why. You're SOMEBODY, dammit, and you have all the potential in the world limited by you and you alone. Sure, it's a bumpy fuckin' road, but baby steps, ya dig?

Jesus, I'm excessively positive when I'm drunk. Sixer of Killian's on an empty stomach is NOT a good lunch, kids. LEARN FROM YOUR OLD UNCLE T.D., OKAY.

@Beoran, random guests, and pretty much everyone else here:

I feel this accurately sums up what I have to say about you cool guys and gals. Listen up.

[Walrusfella]

Update:

I'm pretty damn sure she likes me.

I found out yesterday that when me and her started hanging out, her boyfriend freaked out and told her to choose between him and me. And I'm guessing that because she hung out with me again today, she chose me over him. She broke up with him.

Now you may say, and I would agree, that something like that doesn't nessessarily mean anything too important.

But when we went our separate ways, walking home from lunch, I found myself grabbed by the arm, spun around, and kissed full on the lips. Then she ran, saying "See you again sometime!" I stood there for a good 10 minutes in shock.

I don't know what I feel right now, and I'm absolutely horrible at talking to girls when it comes to stuff like that.... I don't know what to do.

That's so sweet! It sounds like she worked up quite a bit of courage to do that, since she fled immediately after. If you like her, tell her that (only you know whether that's the case), but Gandara's suggestion of asking her to take it slowly is a good one.

Talking to girls isn't as hard as it might seem, and it's certainly no good reason to avoid her. You don't have to constantly try to impress her; that's likely to backfire anyway. It sounds like she is impressed already. She enjoys being with you, so take heart that you must be doing something right. It's worth remembering that half of conversation is listening, and that's something we shy people are good at. Listen closely to what she says, and ask questions or make comments based on that. Be honest, be yourself. She likes you, not some suave conversationalist version of you.