Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Wetterl]

We're all bros here. (Even the female participants in this thread!)

We've all come to realize we, in a way, are all here for each other. It's true that none of us know each other at all, to speak honestly. We just have shared our stories.

Our stories have shaped us into who we really are on the inside. Those of us here care about each other because we can all relate somehow to one another.. reading each other's stories have not only allowed us to give each other advice but to see into ourselves and reflect on the past.

But we should always look to the future.

Truer words are rare to find.


Well, guess I could give an update: Had a really rough week, extremely stressed due to events that I don't think need to be gone into detail about. Obscene amount of panic attacks. Thursday I had three of 'em in a row, which for some reason put me in an extremely destructive mood: I felt like shit, to put it like that. Long story short, I found a piece of glass and cut myself several times in the arm. Some of you might remember that I mentioned a phobia of being cut: Apparently that doesn't apply to glass.

Can say that I'm still extremely stressed out and constantly in a mental state below average (Even for myself) and that it's extremely possible that I'll do something really stupid. I'm trying not to, though.

[Walrusfella]

Well, guess I could give an update: Had a really rough week, extremely stressed due to events that I don't think need to be gone into detail about. Obscene amount of panic attacks. Thursday I had three of 'em in a row, which for some reason put me in an extremely destructive mood: I felt like shit, to put it like that. Long story short, I found a piece of glass and cut myself several times in the arm. Some of you might remember that I mentioned a phobia of being cut: Apparently that doesn't apply to glass.

Can say that I'm still extremely stressed out and constantly in a mental state below average (Even for myself) and that it's extremely possible that I'll do something really stupid. I'm trying not to, though.

Please don't hurt yourself. You don't deserve to be hurt. Please hold on; the storm will pass, and the sun will shine all the brighter.

[Kutagh]

We're all bros here. (Even the female participants in this thread!)

We've all come to realize we, in a way, are all here for each other. It's true that none of us know each other at all, to speak honestly. We just have shared our stories.

Our stories have shaped us into who we really are on the inside. Those of us here care about each other because we can all relate somehow to one another.. reading each other's stories have not only allowed us to give each other advice but to see into ourselves and reflect on the past.

But we should always look to the future.

Truer words are rare to find.


Well, guess I could give an update: Had a really rough week, extremely stressed due to events that I don't think need to be gone into detail about. Obscene amount of panic attacks. Thursday I had three of 'em in a row, which for some reason put me in an extremely destructive mood: I felt like shit, to put it like that. Long story short, I found a piece of glass and cut myself several times in the arm. Some of you might remember that I mentioned a phobia of being cut: Apparently that doesn't apply to glass.

Can say that I'm still extremely stressed out and constantly in a mental state below average (Even for myself) and that it's extremely possible that I'll do something really stupid. I'm trying not to, though.

Have you tried some form of combat, like boxing against a sandbag? It might be a way to channel your destructive mood/energy somewhere safely. I don't know if it works though and boxing equipment is expensive... In any case, if you do try some form of combat, don't spar against someone in such moods, because you probably won't restrain yourself properly and might actually injure your opponent or you might be too distracted and get injured because of it.

Aside from that, it sucks. I know what you mean with your destructive moods, as sometimes I'm so annoyed, pissed off, that I want to destroy something, to vent my anger.
And one piece of advice: Even if you do not feel like talking with anyone: At least let someone who seriously cares about you know that you're in a very bad mood. Nothing is more frustrating for the people around you as you disappearing for a while without knowing why. I know from experience as one of my buddies had a depressive mood for a couple days and disappeared on me, left me hanging.

[Wetterl]

Please don't hurt yourself. You don't deserve to be hurt. Please hold on; the storm will pass, and the sun will shine all the brighter.

I know that it's bad, but I think that the physical pain blends out the mental one and the physical is easier to handle.

Have you tried some form of combat, like boxing against a sandbag? It might be a way to channel your destructive mood/energy somewhere safely. I don't know if it works though and boxing equipment is expensive... In any case, if you do try some form of combat, don't spar against someone in such moods, because you probably won't restrain yourself properly and might actually injure your opponent or you might be too distracted and get injured because of it.

Aside from that, it sucks. I know what you mean with your destructive moods, as sometimes I'm so annoyed, pissed off, that I want to destroy something, to vent my anger.
And one piece of advice: Even if you do not feel like talking with anyone: At least let someone who seriously cares about you know that you're in a very bad mood. Nothing is more frustrating for the people around you as you disappearing for a while without knowing why. I know from experience as one of my buddies had a depressive mood for a couple days and disappeared on me, left me hanging.

I've been thinking of getting some kind of sandbag or the like, for the exact reasons you mentioned. The biggest problem would be space, but I've been thinking about it and might be able to make room for it.

And I usually tell someone how I feel, since there are some people around me who actually can help me to some degree. Other than that I don't know of much I can do, so I end up doing stupid stuff.

[Gandara]

>Schultz

Whoops, sorry about the typo on your name, Shultz.

I know how you feel about the advice stuff to, I've wanted to say things and I've noticed that some of the other people here have worded cleaner than I would have.

Don't sweat reiterating points. Sometimes when you write a response to someone, even if you're echoing another person's post, you may come up with some insight that the previous poster missed.

As for your job situation, like some other folks said, keep trying. Don't be afraid to take kind of a crummy job to start, because we all have to start somewhere. My first job was at a baseball stadium - it payed peanuts (ba dum ching) and was miserable back-breaking work... but it was a job.

We're all bros here. (Even the female participants in this thread!)

Thanks for your words, Xiious. It's true - we're pretty much just here to help each other.

I'm sorry to hear about your personal issues. I hope that you are successful with rebuilding the damage. And, of course, if you need help with the issues and you think we can give some advice, post!

glass

No. No, no no. This is not the right thing to do.

If you're at this point, I highly, highly recommend you seek professional help. I know it feels like the pain is a release for you but it is extremely unhealthy, and extremely dangerous to do something like this.

If you are looking for an emotional release, consider some of the following:

- Exercise. Either get a membership at a gym, or just go for a jog / walk. A lot of times getting your sweat flowing and blood pumping can clear your mind, and the natural chemicals it releases into your body can help relieve tension.
- Kutagh's suggestion of boxing might be a good route, and goes hand in hand with exercise. Some form of physical exertion will help reduce stress. Many fitness clubs and gyms have sandbags you can wail on to your heart's desire, just don't hurt your hand(s).
- Start a diary, if you don't already have one. Write down your thoughts and feelings for the day, every day. Even if you just rip the paper out and throw it in the garbage when you're done, the act of recording it acts as an emotional release and can help you sort a lot of things out in your mind.
- Talk with friends, or spend time with friends. A lot of times a little friendly chatting can go a long way. They may even be able to help you with some of your problems. Alternatively, you could look into joining some sort of club, either through school (if you are still in school or college), or through a community center or work. Find something to do with your time to take your mind off of things.

Please take care of yourself. I don't want to see you end up really hurting yourself when it could have easily been avoided.

[Total Destruction]

self-inflicted violence that's making me really mad

You knock that off right now.



Cutting is a piss-poor way of doing something about whatever it is that's eating you. I get why people do it (gave it a shot myself once, and came to the conclusion that FUCK THIS REALLY HURTS I DON'T WANNA DO THIS NO MORE), but dammit, come on.

Seconding the suggestion of getting a sandbag or getting yourself some legit martial arts classes.



Fuck, man. Be GOOD.

I will miss you guys, and see you soon.

Handle it. Do you by you, yanno?

[Kutagh]

Please don't hurt yourself. You don't deserve to be hurt. Please hold on; the storm will pass, and the sun will shine all the brighter.

I know that it's bad, but I think that the physical pain blends out the mental one and the physical is easier to handle.

Have you tried some form of combat, like boxing against a sandbag? It might be a way to channel your destructive mood/energy somewhere safely. I don't know if it works though and boxing equipment is expensive... In any case, if you do try some form of combat, don't spar against someone in such moods, because you probably won't restrain yourself properly and might actually injure your opponent or you might be too distracted and get injured because of it.

Aside from that, it sucks. I know what you mean with your destructive moods, as sometimes I'm so annoyed, pissed off, that I want to destroy something, to vent my anger.
And one piece of advice: Even if you do not feel like talking with anyone: At least let someone who seriously cares about you know that you're in a very bad mood. Nothing is more frustrating for the people around you as you disappearing for a while without knowing why. I know from experience as one of my buddies had a depressive mood for a couple days and disappeared on me, left me hanging.

I've been thinking of getting some kind of sandbag or the like, for the exact reasons you mentioned. The biggest problem would be space, but I've been thinking about it and might be able to make room for it.

And I usually tell someone how I feel, since there are some people around me who actually can help me to some degree. Other than that I don't know of much I can do, so I end up doing stupid stuff.

Glad to hear that you at least tell the people around you.

If I can suggest something regarding the sandbag stuff, do you know anyone near you with a sandbag or a gym where you can easily get into for a day without being a proper member? It might be an option if space is an issue, or at least as a way to test if it helps.

@Gandara: I'm pretty sure he already knows hurting yourself is a pretty bad idea... But it was the first time he did it and I'm sure it shook him as well. But yeah, if you have any feeling to do that again, don't tarry and make sure you talk to some professional.


As for myself:
A couple days ago my dad received a tweet or so (one or another social media platform, might have been linked-in, I don't know/care), saying that a girl I know from my childhood and whom I haven't seen for over 10 years wants to meet up with me again. So I told my dad to reply with my email address. So today we've been mailing back and forth a bit basically picking a day to meet again. Now, the latest email I got from her is roughly translated from Dutch as:

Hey, can we meet at your house? This Saturday is fine, where do you live again and what time do you want to meet and are you still single?

Now, that last part made me chuckle when I did read it, considering its the first time a girl my age asked me that Anyway, I hope I replied to her in a playful manner, saying 'And yes, I'm still single. Why, did you have some plans? '.
What do you guys think? Is she trying to date me? If so, she might find it tough going with me then, no offense to her. I'm just not the type of guy to suddenly date a girl I barely know (even thu I knew her a bit over 10 years ago), if at all... I guess you could say I'm not into 'high school romances' but want to develop an affection through knowing someones character. Anyway, I'm curious as to why she suddenly wanted to hook up with me after 10 years. I don't mind though, I do like talking to people I used to know and see what happened to them. Yesterday for example when I was walking back to home from the bus stop after bowling with 2 buddies, I met a girl who was in my class a couple years in high school. We walked a bit together seeing as we live a bit near each other, talking about how we are and what we're doing now and so on.
It is sometimes curious as to how life goes... Knowing that there were some key events in my life which caused me to be in my current position, a position that I really like, like the fact that my parents discovered very late how hard of hearing I am (they initially thought slightly hard of hearing, long story) so I was sent to a school for children with language problems and slightly hard of hearing instead of a proper Deaf school (where I might've learned Sign Language) and in turn never met this girl I'll meet Saturday... I don't even know if I would've reached academic level on a school for the Deaf instead of going to regular schools (there is a big gap between a Deaf high school and an university, since there are no universities for the Deaf or so... And I can't imagine myself in my current situation as a Deaf instead of 'deaf'). When you reflect on the past, sometimes life feels weird....

[Gandara]

words

You were a little all over the place there. =)

As for the girl situation: I'd say that it's not entirely abnormal for her to approach you like this, but it is a little strange. My thought is that she might be fresh out of a relationship (most likely bad breakup) and is desperate to fill the void quickly. She probably remembered you fondly from your school days and decided to give it a shot.

Now, the wording you presented makes it seem a little desperate on her end - hence my conclusion. If you're a little uncomfortable with the situation, I'd say just take it really slow with her. Meet up with her for coffee and catch-up, and kind of feel out the situation. If she seems really pushy / persistent about a potential "romance" between you two, it might either indicate a badger game (blackmail on her ex / current (?) boyfriend), or extreme desperation. This would be accentuated by the fact that she'd be so pushy about it after such a long time since you two have seen each other.

However, don't poo-poo the idea simply based on theory. Maybe she's not terribly good with the whole "romance" thing and decided to give things a shot with you, having looked back on her time knowing you with fond feelings and choosing to take a shot in the dark.

Just... take it slow. You never know, maybe it's just a strange twist of fate that's bringing you two together. =)

Edit: Yeah her email about wanting to meet you where you live seems a bit pushy. I just suggest meeting her somewhere neutral - try to turn it into a first date, this way it will be easier to avoid the potential desperation push she's making on ya.

[Wetterl]

No. No, no no. This is not the right thing to do.

If you're at this point, I highly, highly recommend you seek professional help. I know it feels like the pain is a release for you but it is extremely unhealthy, and extremely dangerous to do something like this.

If you are looking for an emotional release, consider some of the following:

- Exercise. Either get a membership at a gym, or just go for a jog / walk. A lot of times getting your sweat flowing and blood pumping can clear your mind, and the natural chemicals it releases into your body can help relieve tension.
- Kutagh's suggestion of boxing might be a good route, and goes hand in hand with exercise. Some form of physical exertion will help reduce stress. Many fitness clubs and gyms have sandbags you can wail on to your heart's desire, just don't hurt your hand(s).
- Start a diary, if you don't already have one. Write down your thoughts and feelings for the day, every day. Even if you just rip the paper out and throw it in the garbage when you're done, the act of recording it acts as an emotional release and can help you sort a lot of things out in your mind.
- Talk with friends, or spend time with friends. A lot of times a little friendly chatting can go a long way. They may even be able to help you with some of your problems. Alternatively, you could look into joining some sort of club, either through school (if you are still in school or college), or through a community center or work. Find something to do with your time to take your mind off of things.

Please take care of yourself. I don't want to see you end up really hurting yourself when it could have easily been avoided.

I thank you a lot for the support.

Regarding exercise, it's something I've been working on: I'm trying to get into running (Something I started just before I downloaded KS, coincidence?)
No gyms close that have anything I don't already have access to in other ways, and no that have any sort of boxing materials at all, I think. I believe I could get something working in the apartment, though.

I do enjoy writing a lot, but I've always had a problem with diaries. I don't know entirely why, but part of it would the mental fort I've build around me.

I do talk a lot with friends, but spending time is quite hard since I live quite a bit away from my immediate circle of friends. I do go to school, but we don't really have any clubs there. Other kinds of clubs would be troublesome for me to join, I believe, due to my problem to open myself up. I'd be part of it, but it would just be a shell of myself controlled instead of lived.

You knock that off right now.



Cutting is a piss-poor way of doing something about whatever it is that's eating you. I get why people do it (gave it a shot myself once, and came to the conclusion that FUCK THIS REALLY HURTS I DON'T WANNA DO THIS NO MORE), but dammit, come on.

Seconding the suggestion of getting a sandbag or getting yourself some legit martial arts classes.



Fuck, man. Be GOOD.

I know that it's bad, but it's the easiest way to get things off my mind. :/

If I can suggest something regarding the sandbag stuff, do you know anyone near you with a sandbag or a gym where you can easily get into for a day without being a proper member? It might be an option if space is an issue, or at least as a way to test if it helps.

Like earlier mentioned, I'm pretty sure none of the gyms around have sandbags. My school does have a sandbag, which I use anytime I have access to, and it's not something I don't enjoy.
But I think I could get space for a sandbag somewhere, so that's not really a problem.


I thank you all for you support, and I'm sorry to say that I don't have time to respond to other people's stories right now.

[ArazelEternal]

Please don't hurt yourself. You don't deserve to be hurt. Please hold on; the storm will pass, and the sun will shine all the brighter.

IF only that were true. Unfortunately Im one that tends to hurt myself as well. However, mine isnt physical, its mental. Worthless, useless, those tend to be my favorites.

[Kutagh]

@Gandara: Yeah, I know I can be all over the place sometimes, I sometimes have the tendency to wander if I don't have a specific message I want to say...
Anyway, next Saturday she's coming for lunch at my house (her suggestion). She says she's single as well and asked if I was looking for a relationship (with a :p at the end of the sentence) but didn't have any plans. But yeah, she kept saying something about relations, so I keep thinking she is looking for a relation. And I told her my plan for Saturday was mainly catching up (though I said it's fine if she wants to play a board game or Wii or so). But yeah, I'm not going to confront her with it unless it is very clear from her behavior/words or if she confesses (and I think I'll have to try to gently explain I'm not looking for a relationship at this stage, I'm not going to accept it if I don't feel like I love her myself, that's unfair on her).
And I hope she seriously doesn't consider a relationship with me just because of how I was 10 years ago, because I know I've changed significantly from then, I'm quite a different person. Back then we used to play a lot together, both home and at school, but as I switched to regular schools we stopped seeing each other at all.

But yeah, I'm taking it slow. It is just typical of me to prepare myself (just like Shizune, I guess... If I need to go somewhere, I usually make sure I know where to be, unlike some of my uni mates who rely on me for such information >.>) and part of that preparing is analyzing the situation a bit.

@Wetterl: It doesn't matter if you don't have the time right now to respond, most already appreciate it if you just read it. I have an unwritten rule for myself to only respond to stories if I have something useful to say, not just 'that sucks' or so. But you can count on me reading the majority of the stories as soon as I can.

@ArazelEternal: In the end you have to make the storm pass. And the sun might not shine brighter, but it will shine. I don't strive for making the sun shine brighter, I'm content with the sun shining just as it shines, accepting and enjoying it if the sun shines brighter but not trying to force it. But yes, after the storm passes, the sun will shine. And you can make the storm pass. It might not happen in a day, but it will happen if you work towards it.
And I'm sure you're sick of hearing this over and over again, but nobody is worthless or useless. Everyone can make themselves useful in some way. You for example can listen to the stories of others, for nobody would write here if they wouldn't be heard. If I may, I'd suggest to get something, preferable on a chain or bracelet or so, that reminds you of something you did that you feel was very useful or worthy, and wear that as much as possible. When you get another mental depression, touch and feel it, remind yourself of that one thing.

[Aili]

Please don't hurt yourself. You don't deserve to be hurt. Please hold on; the storm will pass, and the sun will shine all the brighter.

IF only that were true. Unfortunately Im one that tends to hurt myself as well. However, mine isnt physical, its mental. Worthless, useless, those tend to be my favorites.

All my agreement. I have the tendency to call myself useless, and especially worthless.

About the Emi-ish girl, she's not talking to me anymore and I don't even know why. I'm not sure I want to bother anymore, I don't think she's going to change...I want to help her, I love her as a friend, but if she doesn't let me in, then I'll just be with her and that's it. I'm too tired for this.

The exhibition is going great, I'm excited. I'm still nervous, but not nearly as much as before - thanks, guys =) I really needed that.

[Kutagh]

All my agreement. I have the tendency to call myself useless, and especially worthless.

About the Emi-ish girl, she's not talking to me anymore and I don't even know why. I'm not sure I want to bother anymore, I don't think she's going to change...I want to help her, I love her as a friend, but if she doesn't let me in, then I'll just be with her and that's it. I'm too tired for this.

The exhibition is going great, I'm excited. I'm still nervous, but not nearly as much as before - thanks, guys =) I really needed that.

Good luck with the exhibition, glad to hear you're looking forward to it now Any chances you could share a pic of your work on exhibition if you go to the exhibition yourself (I assume you would)?

[Aili]

All my agreement. I have the tendency to call myself useless, and especially worthless.

About the Emi-ish girl, she's not talking to me anymore and I don't even know why. I'm not sure I want to bother anymore, I don't think she's going to change...I want to help her, I love her as a friend, but if she doesn't let me in, then I'll just be with her and that's it. I'm too tired for this.

The exhibition is going great, I'm excited. I'm still nervous, but not nearly as much as before - thanks, guys =) I really needed that.

Good luck with the exhibition, glad to hear you're looking forward to it now Any chances you could share a pic of your work on exhibition if you go to the exhibition yourself (I assume you would)?

Not just yet, I'm still on the sketching part of it, and I just bought the materials needed for actually painting it. I don't think I'll be able to share, sorry =( But I'll make sure to say how it goes!

[Walrusfella]

Please don't hurt yourself. You don't deserve to be hurt. Please hold on; the storm will pass, and the sun will shine all the brighter.

IF only that were true. Unfortunately Im one that tends to hurt myself as well. However, mine isnt physical, its mental. Worthless, useless, those tend to be my favorites.

You don't deserve that either. I've read your posts - I know for a fact that you're not worthless. The same goes for you, Aili.

I meant that the absolute bottom of the pit isn't where you are going to be permanently. I have some experience with this, though not personally. People close to me have suffered that way. I admit I've only been a tourist in the place where some of you guys live.