A sigh was quickly followed by a yawn, and the boy stretched his arms languorously. He hadn't slept well, worried as he was about his girlfriend, Rin. Rin...
Rin was out of town, at an interview for a very prestigious art college - one he himself could not hope to get into. It was a wonderful opportunity, the chance of a lifetime, and well-deserved at that. Rin had done amazing things at Yamaku, not the least of which was the exhibition in town the previous month. But Hisao - though he had good enough grades academically - just didn't have the artistic skills to follow Rin to that particular college. And so tonight, probably the last night he would ever get to spend with Rin, was instead spent alone, wandering the school halls that had become so familiar to him in his short tenure there.
He passed by the library and debated poking his head in to say goodbye to Yuuko, but decided against it. He'd see her tomorrow, after all. On he plodded. There was his home room, empty except for Muto, working at his desk. This time he did pop his head in. "Mr. Muto?" he called tentatively, hoping not to disturb the man. "May I come in?"
"Hm?" The teacher raised his head, then beckoned the boy in absently. "Sure, sure. This is your homeroom, isn't it?" His head dropped back to the papers on his desk. "So why aren't you off playing with your friends?" remarked the scruffy-looking teacher before Hisao had even taken two steps into the room.
Hisao paused momentarily, then started walking again. "Oh, they're busy is all. And my family doesn't come until tomorrow, so..."
A mysterious grunt. "So you figured you'd come bother your teacher instead of finding something worthwhile to do?" The boy froze, halfway into one of the desks. Muto raised his head with a sloppy half-grin. "I'm just joking." Hisao's body fell heavily into the chair, causing the teacher's grin to complete itself. "But really, you shouldn't be hanging around with me. I've been telling you all year to go out and explore." A small shrug, and his head dipped again. "But then again, since when do you listen to me?"
Hisao regarded his homeroom teacher coolly. "Well if I'm bothering you, then-"
"Oh, lighten up." *Skritch skritch skritch* went the teacher's pen. "You're graduating tomorrow. I should be allowed to shoot the shit with you, eh?"
Hisao didn't know what to make of his teacher's new personality. Usually he was stern, if a bit flaky, and certainly not this... friendly. "Uh, sure?"
"That's more like it. So." The papers rustled, and Muto started in on another form. "Where are you going to college, again?"
"Just a small school in my hometown, probably," replied the boy, already regretting this little foray. "I haven't really decided yet."
Another snort of laughter, and the teacher straightened, leaned back in his chair to lock eyes with his student. "Kind of late in the year to be waffling, eh?" Hisao was speechless. "You pass any other entrance exams?" Back to his paperwork.
"Well, yeah, an art college near Fukuoka, but..." His voice trailed off. The room was silent for a few tense moments before Hisao shrugged. "I don't know, maybe I'll go there. Maybe not. Like I said, I haven't decided." What he meant was, 'If Rin's not going to be there, I don't know if I can do it.'
Muto either picked up on Hisao's hidden meaning or completely missed it. "Oh, that's right, you and that Tezuka girl are artists. Where's she going for college?" He looked to the ceiling and scratched his head with a pencil. "Wasn't it some really good art school in Tokyo?"
"Well I should probably be going," remarked Hisao quickly, standing up. "It was nice talking to you, Mr. Muto."
"Mmm." As Hisao walked out the door and closed it, Muto smiled to himself. "Good luck," he whispered.
Out in the hallway, Hisao ran his hands through his hair. "That was a mistake," he muttered under his breath. He started down the hallway, aimlessly wandering once more. Past rooms of distracted underclassmen and through crowds of proud parents he walked, no real destination in mind. Soon he found his mind wandering along with his feet.
He remembered the first time he walked through these halls, and how Muto had greeted him at the front door. The crowded foyer fell behind him. He remembered walking down this corridor and having Emi ram into him full speed, almost bowling him over. The student council room on his right, where Shizune had tried to recruit him for student council by trouncing him in Risk. That thought elicited a chuckle.
Then he found himself on the roof, and thoughts of Rin flooded into his mind. He recalled the first time he had met her, eating her lunch in the art room, looking oddly out of place even there. Their conversation had been anything but normal, and the feeling Hisao had afterwards was confused curiosity. Who was this strange girl who spoke as if she were unaware of her disability? How did she do such amazing things with only her legs? And what did she mean, 'pants problem'?
Hisao chuckled, a hollow sound even to himself. He missed Rin. But there was nothing to be done about it.
Soft crunching sounds faded in the distance as the boy walked toward the far side of the rooftop, where he, Emi and Rin would have lunch occasionally. Had lunch, he reminded himself. Past tense.
The wind blew cold on the rooftop, and Hisao shivered lightly, despite the heat of the day. His weight fell onto the bench and he leaned back, to look at the sky. Beautiful, wispy white clouds drifted by. They made him think of Rin, too. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.
It was no use. He couldn't help remembering the way she would cock her head when she was thinking, or how she would get that flat, lecherous grin when she was teasing him. Hisao smiled with the memories.
The night of the exhibition he and Rin had stayed late, to help clean up, and then chose to walk back to school together.
----------
On a clear, starry night a boy and his girlfriend walked up a hill. Rin was wearing a pink dress – the first time Hisao had ever seen her do so – and a light, white blazer – with the arms tied in knots of course. Hisao wore a sport coat and slacks, his pink tie removed earlier and placed in a pocket. The wind felt cool on his neck, and he turned to Rin. "It's a bit chilly, don't you think?"
She shrugged in her usual fashion. "Could be. Could be warm. Don't really know."
Hisao had expected such an answer. "Here," he said, already removing his sport coat and placing it over Rin's shoulders. "That coat of yours isn't enough to keep the wind out." She grunted noncommittally. The moon was full that night, and the way its wan light reflected off of Rin's face struck Hisao viscerally. He'd never seen her wear makeup before, not even the small amount of eyeliner and lipstick she'd put on that evening. She was always beautiful, to him, but tonight it was different. "You looked very pretty tonight."
He couldn't read the expression on her face as she turned to him, cocked her head. "Looked? Is the night over?" She cast a gaze up to the sky, then back to Hisao. "Looks dark to me."
"You know what I mean," replied the boy with an embarrassed smile.
A nod, Rin's short, red hair shifting despite the flower-shaped clip above her right ear. "Yes." Her face slipped into a soft grin, but only for a second as she replied, "Thank you."
Silence fell, but not an awkward silence; it was a contented silence. Both teenagers were happy just spending time with one another. That peaceful walk was everything they needed in the world at that moment.
"So how do you think it went?" asked Hisao after a few minutes.
"Good. Bad. I don't know." She shook her head and her hair clip slipped slightly. "People seemed to like it. I don't know how I feel."
Another evasive answer, expected. "Well I think it went well. Your work is excellent, and getting to see it all together like that was a treat."
Rin's mouth flattened into a straight line. "It is what it is. I don't like half of that stuff. It is what it is." A dog barked somewhere in the distance. "That dog wouldn't have liked it. It's too busy. Everything is too busy."
This, though, Hisao didn't know how to handle. "Hm? What do you mean?"
She crouched, suddenly, and looked intently at the ground in front of her. "Here." She gestured toward a couple bits of gravel, nothing particularly special about them at first glance. "See how they're happy where they are?"
"Sure." Hisao just went along for the ride.
Rin nodded. "My works aren't like that. They're more like this." A toe nudged the gravel bits, and they moved, all in different directions. "See?"
The boy just saw a bunch of gravel. But again he went along for the ride. "Ah, I understand." Rin turned a blank stare on him, and he hurriedly corrected himself. "All right, I don't really understand. Sorry"
She 'hmphed' slightly as she stood. "Just say so next time." She started off with a purposeful stride. "Let's go."
Hisao hung his head slightly as he hurried to catch up. They stayed silent and walked at a brisk pace.
Rin's thoughts were a mystery to Hisao, even now, after their time together. Even though there were only four of them – at least according to Rin herself – he could only guess correctly half the time. And tonight he'd guessed incorrectly.
The dog barked again; a car passed by, coming down the hill. Hisao couldn't see who was driving, and Rin seemed uninterested. Silence continued, broken only by the soft *skritch* noises made by two pairs of shoes.
At about the halfway point of their journey, Hisao's chest started to tighten. The pace had been too ambitious. He cursed his own stupidity.
Blood pounded in his ears, his arm reflexively grabbed at his chest. He shouldn't have tried to move so quickly; he knew how hard this climb could be. His arrhythmic heart struggled to correct itself, and Hisao doubled over. Though he could never get used to this sensation, he knew what was coming next. Breath rattled through his suddenly dry throat. Then the pain came, and he screwed his eyes shut. Fervently the boy hoped that this wouldn't be the attack to kill him. Not that night; not with Rin right there.
Rin's voice cut through his struggle. "Hisao? Are you all right?" He couldn't be sure, but she might have sounded worried. "Hisao?"
*Thump thump* went his heart. Then, the tension released, the pain receded, and Hisao's breathing slowed down. He straightened. "Yeah, sorry." Rubbing on his sternum helped a little bit, he had realized. "Just walked a bit too quickly, I guess."
This time she did sound worried. "Don't be stupid like that." Rin was scowling. "Tell me to slow down."
"Sure, sure," he chuckled without mirth. "Whatever you say." He knew he was being a bit of a jerk, but facing the reality of his condition was not easy to do. So he tried to brush it off, pretend like it was no big deal.
Rin, however, scowled further. "Hisao...!" But nothing more came from her angry face. "...Are you okay now?" Rin's boyfriend nodded. "Okay. Let's go." She turned once more and started walking, still purposeful but slower.
Knuckles against his chest, Hisao followed his angry girlfriend up the hill. His night hadn't turned out at all like he had hoped. Though Rin's show had been amazing.
As soon as the school gates came into view Rin stopped and spun on her heel, surprising the boy. Suddenly her head was against Hisao's chest and she was murmuring, "Don't do stupid things like that. You scared me." Her warm breath seeped through the cloth of his shirt. "Just take it easy."
Hisao was stunned. His face was warm with a blush, but he managed to get his arms around Rin's shoulders. He held her gently, not sure exactly what was going on, and apologized softly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you." His hand moved up and down along her spine.
They stayed like that for a minute or so, Rin with her eyes closed and her cheeks pressed up against the chest of Hisao, who rubbed his girlfriend's back soothingly. Finally, Rin stirred, lifted her face to look into Hisao's eyes. "Four things: don't lie to me, just ask if you don't understand; that dog is obnoxious; I wish you had a different problem; and I really enjoy being like this." Her face was a delicate shade of pink. Then she tilted her head, ignoring Hisao's own blush. "I wish you had a different problem, but not mine. I've decided I like you having arms." She shot a mischievous grin up at her beau. "If you lose your arms it's over."
Laughter echoed off of the distant school building. Both Rin and Hisao exuded mirth, loud and long, letting off stress and embarrassment until nothing was left but the two of them. Just two kids, falling in love on a starlit night.
Hisao smirked once he'd caught his breath. "Look who's talking."
She nodded. "Two arms for two people. No arms would be really inconvenient." She stepped back and Hisao reluctantly let her go. "Besides, I like it when you hold me." She flashed a smile, blushing in the moonlight, and then spun, racing toward the gates. "Good night!"
Hisao scratched the back of his head, flustered. Maybe the night wasn't a complete loss.
----------
Birds sang somewhere nearby, a perfect representation of what Hisao was feeling. He fell in love with Rin that night, and hadn't looked back since. Even though he knew they'd only get a short amount of time together, he cherished every memory with her: every second spent in the art room after school, the infrequent trips into town, even their small spats – the way her eyes flashed when she was angry excited Hisao, though he'd never admit it.
Wind blew once more, bringing happy voices from below. The boy's grin faded slowly. Rin would be gone, soon. So would he.
And he didn't even get to spend one last night with her.
Shaking off selfish thoughts Hisao heaved himself to his feet. That kind of thinking wasn't going to fix anything. He meandered back to the rooftop door, steps heavy with sadness.
Inside, the halls were still crowded, voices still echoed around every corner. Hisao was increasingly numb. Nothing really mattered at that moment, except for Rin. He saw a flash of red hair and quickly turned. "Rin?" But it was a first-year student with a cane. "Sorry," he mumbled, moving on down the corridor. Class must have let out while he was on the roof.
Hisao decided to take a trek into town. Maybe that would help him clear his head.
----------
Town was a bust. He'd spent hours wandering around, doing absolutely nothing. He stopped into the Shanghai for a cup of coffee, paid, and left, still dejected. Just outside the door someone ran into him bodily. "Oof!"
"Hey!" A striped scarf and glasses confronted him angrily. "Whatch where yer goin'!" slurred Kenji. "I'm onta you!"
Hisao shook his head ruefully. "Kenji, it's me. Hisao."
"What?" The nearly blind boy jumped to his feet. "Who're you? What's language are you shpeaking? Don't think you can get t'me that easily!" He pulled a small metal flask out of his coat, took a long drink, then seemed to realize he was in public. Hurriedly putting it back into his coat Kenji seethed, "Oh I see, you're trying t' get me arrested! Well it won' work! You and your kind aren't welcome here! I'm ont' yous!" He ran off, bursting through a crowd of tourists. "You don't shcare me!" Kenji yelled, fading into the distance.
Hisao just shook his head and chuckled to himself. He wondered if Kenji would ever change. Dusting off his pants and shirt, the boy started back towards school as the sun passed slowly below the horizon.
It was nearly dark by the time he returned, but people were still milling about. Off to one side a woman caught Hisao's eye, with long, purple hair and a familiar face. It took him a second to place it, but eventually it came to him: the woman looked just like Hanako!
She was very pretty, and Hisao felt like going over to introduce himself – for lack of something better to do – but stopped short when two other people ran up to her: a stern-looking older man, obviously her husband, and a young boy. Hanako's mother scooped her son up into her arms and laughed, while the husband looked on, smiling. Hanako was nowhere to be found.
Sadness washed over Hisao. He couldn't imagine how he'd react if his father died, then his mother remarried and had another child. He'd probably shut down a bit, too.
Deciding against the awkward introduction, he traipsed back to his dorm room.
Heading up the stairs and down the hall, he turned into his and Kenji's four-bedroom 'suite' and started as a female figure cocked her head.
"Lilly? What are you doing here?"
"Ah, Hisao. I thought I heard someone approaching." The blonde-haired girl turned glassy blue eyes toward Hisao and smiled. "I hope I'm not bothering you..."
"Oh, no, not at all," stammered Hisao quickly. "I'm just... surprised, is all."
The girl's long, delicate fingers covered her giggle. "I'm sorry to startle you, then." They shared an awkward laugh before Lilly took a few hesitant steps toward him, her cane going *tak tak* against the wall and floor of the corridor. "I apologize for sneaking in here. I know it's against the rules, but we are graduating tomorrow, and I would like to give something to you..."
Hisao noticed how Lilly was moving. She took small, tentative steps, and her cane was constantly moving. He had never seen the girl look so... handicapped. She was obviously unfamiliar with this room, this building in general. She had no idea what to expect. It was all he could do to resist offering to help; but she was her own woman. If Hisao took one thing away from his time at Yamaku it was the fact that people who have handicaps don't actually have handicaps. People like Lilly and Shizune are more able-bodied and well-adjusted than most of the kids at Hisao's old high school. He shook his head slightly. No, students at Yamaku weren't handicapped; everyone else was.
"Well," he said, trying to keep talking so as to give Lilly a sense of distance between them, "I've never really minded the rules all that much anyway. What's one more infraction going to hurt?"
Lilly smiled and stopped, a few feet from Hisao. "True enough in your case, I suppose." Before Hisao could puzzle the meaning behind those words, Lilly produced a small box from somewhere and handed it to him with a bow. "This is for you, Hisao. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown Hanako and me this year."
It was a small, brown box with gold ribbon wrapped around and tied into a bow. He didn't want it. Hisao still felt bad about how things had turned out with Hanako. "Thank you, but-"
"No buts." Unusually forceful words came from Lilly's mouth, but she did not straighten. "Please, accept this gift. I insist."
Reluctantly palming the present Hisao said, "Ah, thanks, I guess... But-"
"I said no buts." She did straighten this time, to her full height, and Hisao had to consciously keep himself from stepping back. When she wanted to, Lilly could be very intimidating. "You were a perfect gentleman, and you treated her with respect and kindness. I am sorry it did not turn out better, but no one can predict how a heart will move."
"I rejected her!" spurted Hisao, avoiding the word 'but.' "I made her cry!"
Lilly's demeanor softened. "Hanako is a strong girl, Hisao. Stronger than most people think. She'll survive." A smile appeared on pale pink lips. "You did not beat around the bush. You were plainspoken and confident in your response, and most of all, kind." Hisao shook his head, though the girl could not see him. "It takes a very good man to reject a confession like you did, Hisao, and an especially good man to continue being so nice to the girl afterward."
She gestured with a hand, and bowed slightly once more. "This is but a small token of my gratitude for being such a good person." The smile that spread across Lilly's face was the prettiest Hisao had ever seen her give. "And a good friend. I will miss you, Hisao."
The boy didn't know what to say, so he just nodded. "Me, too."
A moment passed.
Then Lilly gathered herself visibly. "Well I am afraid I must be going. We don't want anyone to get the wrong impression, do we?" She blushed slightly. Blonde hair brushed past Hisao. "See you tomorrow. Good night."
"Yeah. Good night." And the girl was gone.
Hisao stood there, in the hallway, just looking at the box in his hand for several minutes. How long had Lilly been waiting? And why did she think he deserved a present for rejecting her friend? A shake of his head and he shrugged the thought off. He'd never understand girls.
When he opened the door to his room that thought was confirmed.
His light was on, his books were scattered across the room, and Rin sat in the center of his bed. She was sitting almost cross-legged, but held a small paperback book between her feet. Her loose slacks and button-up shirt looked like the finest dress in all the world, to Hisao. "Rin?" he exclaimed, pleased and surprised.
"Oh. Hey, Hisao." She didn't even raise her head. "I finally found a book I like."
He shook his head hard, making sure he wasn't seeing things. But indeed, Rin was sitting on his bed, reading one of his books. "What are you doing back? Why are you here? What...?"
"That's the same question." She smirked her little smirk and finally looked at Hisao. Their eyes met and shivers ran down the boy's spine. "Don't want me here?"
"No, no!" he exclaimed, finally moving into the room and standing in front of Rin. "I'm just surprised."
She shrugged and closed the book, then laid back and stretched her legs. "Get a new girlfriend?" Sitting upright once more, she remarked casually, "I thought I heard Lilly outside." A suspicious gaze landed on the present in Hisao's hand.
"Oh, no no no!" Hisao waved off the thought. "She just wanted to give me... I mean, she just wanted to thank... I mean-"
"Okay." She nodded decisively and stood, putting her head against her boyfriend's chest. "I missed this."
The boy smiled, relieved, and encircled Rin with a hug. "I missed you, too." He heard someone coming and instinctively closed the door. He didn't want... he didn't want to deal with Kenji right then, basically.
Sitting back down on the bed, Rin remarked casually, "You keep a pretty dirty room."
Hisao scowled. "You're the one who messed it up, you know." He knelt and started gathering books into his arms. "How long have you been here, anyway?"
"Been where?" She looked around. "Oh, here. I dunno." She flopped onto her back and examined the ceiling. "How long have you been here?"
"I meant," continued the boy patiently, "when did you get back to school?"
"Oh. This afternoon."
Saddened by the news slightly, Hisao shrugged it off mentally. If she didn't want to come find him, that was her prerogative. "Did the meeting go well?"
Her feet vaulted toward the ceiling, her body twisted, and she flopped her feet onto Hisao's pillow. She peered up at him from the foot of the bed. "No. Yes."
He chuckled. "Which is it?"
"See that mark on your ceiling?" She pointed a toe. "That looks like a spider. Do you get spiders in the boys' dorms?"
With another small laugh Hisao finished putting the books back on the shelves. "Occasionally, yeah." He waited patiently for Rin's answer. He knew she'd get around to it eventually.
"Mm. So do we." She dropped her foot onto the pillow again. "I don't like spiders."
"Me, neither."
"Mm."
"Mind if I sit down?" Rin obligingly lifted her legs so Hisao could seat himself, then put them into his lap. A blush slowly crept across Hisao's face at the unusual level of intimacy Rin was showing, but kept his thoughts to himself.
Both of them sat still for a bit.
"They accepted me. The school. In Tokyo." As if there could be any other school she meant. Again Hisao kept his mouth shut. "So that's all right."
Inwardly, his heart was shattered. Secretly, Hisao had been hoping the school would not accept her. He wanted to go to Fukuoka with Rin, and continue their relationship. He wanted to keep spending time with her. But that was a selfish wish, a childish wish.
Outwardly, Hisao smiled. "That's great! Congratulations!" He tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice.
"Mm," replied Rin once more, cryptically.
More silence, because Rin was Rin and Hisao couldn't think of anything to say.
Suddenly, making the boy jump, Rin threw her legs off of Hisao and sat up, put her face close to his and stared into his eyes. "Hmm," she sounded to herself.
Hisao's face was warm, but he didn't pull away. He could feel Rin's breath on his cheeks, and smell the sweet fragrance of her body. It was intoxicating. "Wh-What?" he managed to squeeze out eventually. She did not respond, and they sat like that for a full five minutes.
She shook her head, and hair hit Hisao in the face. "What were we talking about?" she asked innocently, eyes focusing on Hisao once more. "Oh, I remember." And she leaned in to kiss Hisao passionately.
When the kiss ended Hisao's flushed face pulled back a few centimeters. He was breathing heavily, for reasons he wasn't fully comfortable sharing at the moment. "What was that for?" was all he could think to say. As soon as the words left his mouth he cursed to himself. That was stupid.
Rin's smile lit up the room. She had only smiled like that once before, when Hisao had confessed his feelings for her. The boy was mesmerized by the beauty of it.
Lips parted in a laugh. "You're cute!" she gushed in a very un-Rin-like manner. "I like it when you're confused." Hisao was embarrassed, but wisely said nothing, opting instead to cross his arms, trying to look stern. "Here," Rin positively chirped. "I can get the shirt, but you'll have to help me get my pants off."
All pretenses of 'stern' flew out the window. Hisao's eyes widened. "I'm sorry?"
Rin was blushing; her eyes were glassy, she was breathing more heavily than normal, and her lips were beginning to turn a dark pink. She flashed the mischievous look that drove Hisao wild and said, "Why, we're having sex.
"Tonight could be the last night we have together. I want to remember it forever." She smiled again, and then started working at her shirt.
Suddenly the room seemed extremely warm. Hisao tugged at his collar, against the choking feeling in his throat. "Um, what?"
Rin was quick; she already had half her shirt off, hanging over one shoulder like a toga, and Hisao could see her bra. He averted his eyes quickly. Rin sighed. "You're acting like you've never done this before. Come on."
Hisao did not reply.
"You haven't."
Hisao did not reply.
She raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Hisao started to sweat.
"Well I'm not exactly experienced, but we should be okay." And her shirt hit the floor.
Thousands of thoughts raced through Hisao's head. Was this some kind of joke? Did she actually just say that? He could still smell Rin's scent in the air, and it made him dizzy. His eyes traced lazily over Rin's body. Was she serious? Standing before him without a shirt on, her ratty white bra the only thing between Hisao and her breasts, she certainly seemed to be genuine. Was she pushing herself, because she thought he wanted this? Did she really intend to sleep with him?
Something tickled the back of his mind, a casual remark she had made some time ago. Emi, Rin and he had been eating lunch on top of the school, as usual, when the topic of children had come up. Emi was gushing and giggling about her baby cousin, and asked Rin if she'd ever want children. She just shrugged. "Either way. But you have to have sex to have children." She took a bite of her lunch and said between chews, "I don't know if it's worth it."
A strange feeling came over Hisao, and he stood, took Rin's chin in his hand, turned her face toward his own. "Rin." She looked at him intently. "Are you sure?"
"Hah?" She affected her sly grin. "Are you saying you're not?"
"Stop." Hisao was deadly serious. "I mean, what you said earlier this year, about sex not being worth it."
Rin's eyes lost focus, and she dropped her head in thought. She 'hmmmmed' quietly to herself, trying to remember the conversation. Some time passed before she locked eyes with Hisao again. "Don't remember."
He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "On the rooftop, just after Emi's family visited. She was talking about her cousin." Looking into Rin's eyes Hisao could tell she still had no idea. "Emi asked you if you want children, and you said, 'you have to have sex to have children. I don't know if it's worth it.'" Still nothing. "You don't remember?"
She dropped her head to her right shoulder. "You think I'll get pregnant?" Inwardly Hisao groaned. He was trying to have a serious conversation, and Rin was being... Rin. Before he could say anything, though, she muttered, "Wait." He did, as she dropped her head in thought once more. A long, tense silence filled the small room.
"Oh." Upward her face moved, and Hisao was pierced by another half-lidded stare. "I was talking about baseball"
Hisao was speechless.
"Baseball?" he managed after composing his thoughts. Rin nodded. "What do you mean, baseball?"
"Baseball. Three strikes and you're out. Home run."
"I know what baseball is!" came his exasperated reply. "But what does baseball have to do with that conversation?"
Rin shrugged and sat down on the bed. "On the field below, the wheelchair kids were playing baseball. I thought I'd like arms to play baseball, but then thought I'd need to buy a glove and everything. And anyway, the law of conservation of energy implies that I couldn't just spontaneously grow arms, I'd have to lose something. That'd probably be my legs. And I like my legs. So I don't think it's worth it." Another shrug. "Not that the wheelchair kids seem to mind, but I prefer legs to arms."
Hisao's head ached with the logic of her statements. "Baseball?"
"Yes."
"So you're not against having sex?"
"Not as such, no."
"And you want to do it with me?"
He expected another flippant, offhanded remark. He did not expect Rin to lower her eyes in disappointment and whisper, "You don't?" As mercurial as Rin was, she was indeed a girl, and had feelings like anyone else. He'd learned that lesson the hard way. Even so, Hisao had trouble remembering sometimes, with the way she blundered through sensitive topics like they weren't big deals. He dropped to the bed beside her and once more turned her head with a gentle grip on her chin. "Rin, I can't think of anyone in the world I would rather..." he stumbled over the phrase 'have sex,' and instead stammered out, "...do... that... with than you." His face was red, but he was still looking directly into Rin's eyes. "I love you, Rin. I'm just worried that you're forcing yourself because you think I want it." He ran a hand down her face, gently reminding her how much she meant to him.
Then the hard part was upon Hisao. He gritted his teeth. "And you're going to Tokyo, and I'm... not..." he trailed off. "I just imagine you'll meet some guy in school and you'll wish you hadn't... with me..." He got the words out, past the lump that had suddenly risen in his throat. Hisao's hand dropped to the bed beside him, and he shifted his gaze across the room. He'd done it. He hurt from head to toe, and his damaged heart ached with love lost, but he'd said what he needed to say. Loneliness threatened to swallow him whole. "I don't want our last day together to be a day you regret."
That single sentence summed up the apprehension he had been feeling since Rin left for Tokyo. All the restless wandering and sleepless nights weren't because of his medication; he was torn up inside over losing Rin.
Yamaku was filled with memories of her. The town was, too. He couldn't separate memories of school from memories of her. And he knew, without a doubt, that their time together was coming to an end. Rin had a wonderful career in art ahead of her. She'd been recruited by one of the nation's top art colleges; her exhibition had been lauded up and down by local newspapers. She had no place in her life for a tagalong like Hisao. A sigh of abject despair passed his lips. He didn't want her to go, but knew she must.
"Hisao." Rin nudged him, and when he turned, covered his mouth with her own. This second kiss was more passionate, deeper, warmer than the first. Rin's heady aroma stormed Hisao's senses once more; instinctively he threw his arms around her slender frame. His breath was becoming heavy again, as was hers. She threw herself at the boy, and Hisao could feel her pouring her soul out in that one, perfect kiss.
It finally ended when Rin pushed her forehead against Hisao's. Two small, shocked and pleased smiles greeted each other. She spoke. "Remember how I can only have four thoughts at one time?"
"Yeah," he replied, breathlessly.
Rin's face flushed as she said, "Since we met, at least one has been you."
The world swam as they kissed again. Both teens tingled all over, sensations rising and falling with the contact of their lips. White noise started to sound in Hisao's ears; his hands pulled Rin closer to him. She was so warm... He broke their kiss, and unsure of what he should do but trusting all the "literature" he'd read, he started kissing her cheek, then down her neck. She moaned slightly as he reached her collarbone. Rin buried her face into Hisao's hair and inhaled deeply, just as caught up in his scent as he was in hers. He kissed and sucked, back up her neck. She shivered. Gently caressing her with his lips, Hisao moved toward her ear.
Rin pulled away roughly, breaking the moment. "So do you masturbate?" Rin's face was red, but oddly innocent as she looked at him.
"What?"
"You have a box of tissues beside your bed. Do you masturbate?"
Hisao couldn't believe his ears. "Do I what?"
"Masturbate." She shifted and suddenly her foot was between Hisao's legs. "With this."
He'd never been more uncomfortable in his life. His mind was shot; he couldn't think of anything to say, let alone something coherent. "Um, don't you?" He cringed, cursing his fool mouth and his parents and grandparents for not teaching him more self-restraint; he cursed the skies above and the ground below, yea unto seven generations.
Rin's half-lidded stare pierced Hisao's heart. "That's not a question you ask a lady." She followed that sentence by smirking, then pulling away and laying down on the bed. Her breasts rose and fell with each heavy breath; the blush had spread to her shoulders and chest. She raised her hips slightly, then licked her lips - either from anticipation or nervousness, Hisao couldn't tell which. "Now help me with my pants."
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In the dark of his room, sheets clinging to his legs and a naked woman lying on his chest, Hisao panted heavily. Rin cooed softly against his neck, then shifted off of him. She put her mouth near his ear and kissed it gently. The boy smiled.
"I hope it was all right," murmured Hisao.
"Quiet." She snuggled closer to him. "You're ruining the moment."
Silently complying, Hisao wrapped an arm around Rin to pull her closer. He felt his hand brush against one of her arms – or the stump that remained – and wondered why he had ever thought that was strange. Some people don't have arms. So what? Some people don't see colors, either.
"...I hope it wasn't too awkward..." whispers Rin, echoes of a scared child in her voice. No matter how she tried to hide it, she had the same fears of rejection as anyone else. And she was smart enough to realize that though she doesn't care about missing arms, some people might. "Quiet," he smirked. "You're ruining the moment." He felt her smile against his skin. All was right with the world in that moment.
She purred again. "I'm glad you don't have any problems with your tackle after all." They shared a laugh.
Idly running a hand over Rin's shoulders and back, Hisao enjoyed the warmth of the body lying next to him. Heavy breathing calmed, slowed to a steady rhythm. Hisao's smile slipped, but he continued running his hand back and forth over his lover's soft skin. This was the last night he would get to spend with her. He didn't want to sleep just yet.
His mind wandered, touched on his recent experience.
It was a clumsy, hesitant thing, their lovemaking. Though Rin had apparently had sex before she certainly didn't bring any expertise into the bedroom. Hisao was nervous and ham-fisted. But their feelings were all that mattered, and uncomfortable missteps gave way to tender touches and stuttered breaths.
Rin's body was beautiful, even more so without clothes on. The way she blushed when Hisao ran his eyes over her curves lit a fire in his brain. He drank in the sight, lost himself in the feeling and sensation of being so close to her. As things progressed and they started to sweat, Rin's smell began driving him wild, too.
Sharp cries rang out, filled the small room. Hisao didn't care. Rin could scream all she wanted. Kenji wasn't home, and even if he was, screw him. Rin was all he cared about.
The first time she stopped Hisao was more than a little surprised. She was worried for his heart. Her eyes shot wide open and she exclaimed, "Are you all right?" And although Hisao appreciated her concern, he didn't want to stop just yet.
No, he didn't want it to stop.
Tears stung his eyes. Rin was going to leave the next day. He wasn't going to see her again. He squeezed the tears back, angrily. Was he a man or wasn't he? Sure it'd be hard, but he wasn't going to cry.
Rin murmured something in her sleep, causing his eyes to flood once more. They hovered on the verge of overflowing, but never quite spilled over. Hisao would be okay. He had to be.
Willing sleep away, he lay with his lover in their stained sheets. Morning would come too soon. He didn't want to miss even one second with Rin.
----------
Despite his best efforts he did fall asleep, and awoke when Rin sat up suddenly. His shoulder and arm felt cold without her presence. "Mmph," murmured Hisao sleepily, shielding his eyes from the light streaming in through his window.
Rin shook her head side to side, splaying her hair in every direction. "Morning."
"Morning," replied Hisao, trying to keep his eyes off of Rin's exposed breasts. She saw where he so diligently wasn't looking and smirked.
"Too late for that now, I think." Hisao blushed and Rin snorted. "But I should go. No second round today." Off the bed and to the pile of clothes on the floor. "Help me with my panties, please."
Hisao kept his eyes averted as he helped Rin get dressed, even though the previous night he'd been rather into her body. She teased him, but kindly, and soon the job was done. "Thanks." She shook her head once more. Experimentally swaying her hips back and forth, Rin muttered, "Kind of slimy, still." Hisao couldn't get any redder, so he just scratched the side of his face nervously. "Good thing Emi gave me those pills. Ah." She squeezed her mouth into a line and squinted, like a movie gangster. "I may have said too much."
Of course. "So you planned this."
Rin's tossed a quick, scheming glance toward him. "I can't plan anything. I'm surprised I still know where I am."
They both jumped as someone knocked on the door. Exchanging a surprised look with Rin, Hisao positively dove for his pants and called, "Y-Yes?"
"Hisao?" It was Emi. "Are you awake? Have you seen Rin?"
"Uh... Hold on, I'll be right there." He had his boxers on and one leg into his pants when Rin spoke.
"Emi." She opened the door. "Good morning."
When the pink-haired girl looked into the room she saw two things: first, Rin was there, and she looked a bit disheveled; second, Hisao was half-naked, caught as he was with his pants down. "Eee!" she screamed, turning her back. "I'm sorry!"
"Rin!" exclaimed Hisao, embarrassed. He pulled his pants up and fastened them, then hurriedly looked for a shirt.
Rin stretched her back. "See you later, Hisao." She pushed past Emi and started outside. "Will you help me, Emi?" The small girl hurried after her friend, desperate to escape the awkward situation.
Hisao was shocked. She was just going to leave like that? "Wait!" he called, snaking his arms through the sleeves of his shirt and poking his head out of his room. "Where are you going?"
Both Emi and Rin turned at the doorway; Emi's face matched her hair. "To shower. I've got to get ready for graduation."
"But... well..." Nothing would come out, nothing that made any sense.
As if she was reading his mind, Rin smiled – his smile. "I'll see you later, Hisao." She winked, turned, and swayed her hips seductively as she moved out of sight. Emi squeaked slightly at the other girl's movements, but said nothing and followed.
Another jolt ran through Hisao's frame when Kenji threw open his door. Glasses peered out; he reeked of liquor.
"Traitor."
Then Kenji closed the door, leaving Hisao to clean himself up and get ready for the day.
He closed his own door and started straightening the place. Rin's scent still lingered in the air. A quick shake of his head to clear it, and he stripped the sheets of the bed. They had to be washed. And his clothes, too.
A thought struck him. He reached to grab his pillow. Placing his nose where Rin had slept on it, he inhaled deeply. Memories of the night before took over his consciousness. Sadness followed shortly after. Before he realized it he was sitting on the bed, the sweetly-scented pillow in his lap. "...Shit."
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Graduation was long and lonely for Hisao. He wasn't sitting by anyone he knew, and the speaker was long-winded. But eventually it was done, and he stood to stretch his legs. Around him girls were crying, boys were shaking hands, and teachers were wishing students good luck.
Hisao turned away from the faces of his classmates. He was only interested in seeing one person.
But before he could go anywhere, Lilly and Hanako approached him. They were alone, although Hanako kept glancing toward her family at the back of the room. Hanako was holding onto Lilly's arm tightly. They both looked uncomfortable.
"Hello, Lilly, Hanako," he greeted them. "Congratulations."
"Congratulations to you, too, Hisao." Lilly smiled.
"...Congratulations..." Hanako even bowed slightly.
An awkward silence followed.
Hisao abruptly remembered the gifts the girls had given him. After Rin had left he'd cleaned his room and found the box. Inside were two small objects: a white knight from the chess set he and Hanako had used all year; and a small picture frame, holding a photograph of Hisao, Hanako and Lilly sitting in the 'tea room,' taken by the yearbook staff one rainy lunch period. "Oh! Thank you very much for the kind gifts," thanked Hisao formally, bowing. "I appreciate them greatly."
Relieved, Lilly sighed. "You are welcome, Hisao. We wanted you to have something to remember us by." Hanako blushed, but said nothing.
"Yeah." His gaze swept around the room once. "It's strange, isn't it? We're high school graduates."
"Yes." The smile on Lilly's face slipped. "It is strange."
Another long pause. "So..." ventured the boy, "Hanako. Where are you going to college?"
The girl visibly tightened her grip on Lilly. "Ah..." Her face twitched as other students brushed by her. "A... Small college in Shikoku..." She was bothered by the crowd, and Hisao didn't press her for any more information than she was comfortable giving.
"That's good." He smiled.
He was about to ask Lilly about her college plans when something extremely unexpected happened. Hanako trembled violently for a moment, turned as red as a tomato, then pounced: instantly she was on her tiptoes and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. Just as quickly she was rushing through the crowd, towing Lilly behind her. "Hanako?" cried the surprised blind girl. "What's going on? Why are you in such a hurry? Did something happen?" Then they were gone.
Hisao raised a hand to his cheek. Women were impossible to understand.
"Hi-sa-o," came a voice in his ear. He jumped, turned to see Rin standing behind him, smirking. "Are you hitting on girls behind my back?"
Something poked him in the spine and he jumped again. Emi scowled and went to stand next to Rin. "Will you stop doing that?!" He looked over both shoulders, just to make sure no one else was going to sneak up on him.
"I hope you're not thinking of breaking up with Rin! After last night, and-" Emi cut off abruptly when Rin hip-checked her viciously. Amazingly, Emi was the one who looked sorry. "Ah, I mean-"
"So." Rin stepped closer to Hisao. Her eyes were intent on his own. "This is goodbye."
Hisao was speechless. He stared, then took a deep breath. "I guess."
"Where are you going to college?" Rin took another step closer. Other people were starting to stare. She was awfully close.
"Ah..." He tried to ignore the stares, but couldn't. "Well, I got into that college in Fukuoka, but-"
"Good." Another step. They were almost touching. "That's a good school."
"Well I haven't decided-"
"Yes you have." A mischievous grin. "Don't lie to me."
A sad smile spread across Hisao's face. "Sorry. Let me rephrase: I'm going to Fukuoka."
"Good." The girl closed the distance completely; her breasts were pressed into his chest, but she kept their eyes locked. "I'll miss you."
Tightness in Hisao's chest kept him from responding right away. "...Me, too," he whispered, quieter than he'd expected. "I love you."
"Me, too." Swiftly, more so than he would have imagined possible, Rin kicked him in the shin. Hisao crouched and grabbed his leg. "That was for kissing Hanako." But she was smiling, with tears in her eyes. "Good luck in Fukuoka. Come visit me sometime."
It was strangely fitting, for Rin, to see her run off like that, with Emi trailing behind. He wouldn't have felt it was a "real" goodbye if Rin hadn't done something unexpected. The pain in his heart dwarfed the pain in his leg, but he gritted his teeth and bore it. He had no other choice.
From across the room Hisao saw his parents waving. He forced a smile, stood, and walked toward them. Yamaku was a memory. And so was Rin.
----------
Two weeks of classes were finished by the time Hisao felt "at home" in his new apartment. It was close to the school, and relatively well-priced for a college student like himself. His parents were helping with the rent and food, and he had found a part-time job for some spending money; all in all things were looking good.
The door closed behind him. "I'm home," he called to the empty, single room. Off came his shoes and down went his book bag.
Fukuoka was nice. The sea was close, and there was always something to do. People at the college were nice, too, which pleased him. Hisao was already making friends.
His phone flashed from the ground, where he'd left it charging that morning. He rushed over to see who had called.
>Parents
A small sigh escaped his lips. Of course Rin wouldn't call. She'd probably already forgotten about him.
Depressed, he boiled some water and made dinner – cup ramen, again. Not the most nutritious, but tasty.
His small television set flickered in the corner as he slurped his meal. It was some terrible variety show, but Hisao's television didn't work properly, and he had to watch the three channels that came in clearly. The sun was setting; the din of the day was dying down. Hisao tossed his garbage and lay down to read. There wasn't much else he felt like doing at the time.
He awoke with a start. The book fell off of his chest as he sat up, surprised by the loud banging noise coming from his entryway. Someone was pounding at the door. A quick look outside: dark. The clock read 10:53 PM.
"Yeah, I'm coming," he muttered groggily. "Who is it?" Maybe not the most polite thing to say, but it was late and he'd been woken up.
When he opened the door he found a strange woman standing there. She was tall, almost as tall as him, holding a camera and looking very nervous. Her long, brown hair looked damp. "Ah!" she started. "I'm sorry for bothering you so late!" A quick bow.
"No problem." It was a problem, but he'd already been rude. "Can I help you?"
Another nervous frown. "Ah..." She raised her camera. Hisao heard the familiar beep of a digital camera focusing.
"Excuse me?" Hisao was very close to closing the door. He was tired and wanted none of this silliness.
Then Rin poked her head into view. Her face was more beautiful than he remembered, she was wearing slacks and a shirt like she did at Yamaku. A camera flash went off, and Rin smiled. "Did you get it?" she asked the strange woman.
"Yes. Here, take a look." Rin peered at the outstretched camera.
"That will do. Thank you." She brushed past Hisao and into his apartment, carrying a backpack on her armless shoulders.
"Rin?!" exclaimed Hisao happily, following her into the apartment. "What are you doing here?"
"Good night Mitsuko." Rin shrugged off the backpack.
"Ah, good night." The strange woman bowed and hurried off into the darkness. She was blushing slightly.
Ignoring the open door Hisao continued to question Rin. "I mean, aren't you supposed to be in Tokyo? And what was with the camera?" he asked, as if realizing what had just happened only then.
"Class, Hisao, rabbits, and Hisao." She turned her liquid eyes onto Hisao, nodded definitively.
He smiled at the familiar organization of words. "Your four thoughts right now?"
"No." The girl flopped onto the floor cross-legged. "That's the average of my thoughts for the last two weeks." Her eyes closed halfway. "I've been keeping track."
Finally closing the door Hisao moved to Rin's side and sat down beside her. "Ah, I see." He nodded as if she were speaking cosmic truths. "That's very interesting."
"Yes." Her head flipped to the right, looking out the window. "It is dark."
Another nod. "Yes, it is."
A familiar sensation, Rin placing her head on Hisao's shoulder. "I have been looking for you. Two weeks. Hard work."
That surprised the boy. "You mean you're... Wait, does that mean you're-"
"Enrolled in the same school as you, yes." She smiled, but kept her head on his shoulder.
"You're kidding." Hisao's mind was completely blown.
"No." A small yawn. "Emi almost let the secret slip at graduation. I was unhappy."
Wind blew by the window as Hisao let that information sink in. Finally he laughed. "Oh, so that's what she was talking about. I wondered." Rin nodded, but said nothing.
"We wanted a picture of you when you saw me." Her face dropped a bit. "I was hoping you'd be happy."
"Who, you and that Mitsuko girl? And I am happy, if you didn't notice." He was grinning from ear to ear.
"Yes." Her head snuggled more deeply into his shoulder. "She has a photography project."
His right arm moved around Rin's shoulders. "You said 'we.' What about you?"
She was silent for a few seconds. "I just want a picture of you."
Hisao's world became complete in that moment. He finally had everything he could ever want, including Rin. Nothing in the world could take her away from him now. He wouldn't allow it.
"Hisao, rabbits, deodorant, and a secret." Another small yawn. "Those are my thoughts now." She fidgeted slightly against his shoulder. "This is uncomfortable."
They shifted, and Hisao removed his arm. "Sorry. Is that better?"
"No." She moved away and – a sight that amazed him every time he saw it – pulled her shirt over her head with her feet. She was wearing a lacy, black, see-through bra. Hisao's heart started racing. "Mitsuko says that this is appropriate for nighttime rendezvous, but I don't know if it's worth it." She squinted. "It's very uncomfortable."
Hungry eyes roamed over Rin's flesh. Hisao's palms started sweating. "Ah, well, I like it..."
"Hey, pervert." She was giving him the half-lidded, mischievous grin he liked so much. A light blush kissed her cheeks. "Stop staring and help me with my pants."
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THE END...?
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I... Hrm...
So...
...
Edit: Verm, good point. Fixd hopefully
Edit: I am a complete idiot and do not deserve to live. I fixed stupid, stupid errors that I found re-reading it. I'll find more, don't worry. You can make fun of me later.
when I saw that there was a happy ending at the end there. I love it when they manage to pull a good end out of the jaws of a sad end.
