Here's my Secret Santa Submission!
Title: Oil & Vinegar
For: Grayest
Prompt: "Buddy story with Mutou and the Nurse"
Today was the last day of classes before winter vacation. I just finished grading assignments in the teachers’ room and now I’m walking to my car in the faculty parking lot. I’m looking forward to getting home and relaxing. I finished grading before I left so I could really enjoy the vacation.
The homeroom students I was with for the last three years graduated last Spring. So, I'm back doing homeroom for first years who I will be with until they graduate. As usual, there are a wide range of students.
At one end of the spectrum, there's a real go-getter who has already asserted herself as the class rep. She's very active in trying to motivate the class to do their best and follow the rules. She isn’t what I would call popular, but she’s certainly respected by her classmates.
At the other end, there's an incredibly anxious student who has yet to speak to anyone in class. She has a difficult time even maintaining eye contact with me or her fellow students. She had a panic attack on the first day of class and has had a few more since. We’ve had to allow her some latitude about when she does and doesn’t come to class. I can tell that she is doing the best she can. I admire her for that.
Teaching at Yamaku certainly presents its challenges, but I think that makes the work all the more fulfilling. I get to help these young people grow and progress academically and socially over the next three years. It’s going to be a real treat to see it happen.
Just when I’m about to get in my car and out of the cold, I notice someone is sitting in the driver's seat of the car parked next to mine. It’s the new head nurse.
I am not his biggest fan.
Our personalities clash, to put it mildly.
The few times I’ve interacted with him he has really annoyed me. He’s always joking around and talking nonstop. I understand trying to add levity to some situations but he seems to think every situation needs it.
Meanwhile, I’ve been told on numerous occasions that I’m overly serious.
On top of it all, he’s significantly younger than I am, which I think exacerbates our differences.
My biggest problem with him: It doesn't always seem like he takes his job seriously.
It has made me wonder a little about our hiring process. Can he really have been the best choice?
In short, he is someone I really don’t want to go out of my way to talk to.
But he doesn't look good. He’s just sitting and staring into space with a furrowed brow and a frown on his face. And he hasn't even noticed my presence.
He is the type of person who is perpetually in high spirits. He is usually wearing a goofy smile. So how he looks right now is truly alarming.
I really want to go home. I really don’t want to talk to him.
But…he's a new employee and my junior. I wouldn't be a very good senior to him if I didn't try to see if he needs some help. I shouldn’t let the fact that he irritates me get in the way of doing my duty.
I brace myself for the worst, walk over to his car and knock on his window. It causes him to jump. Then he looks up at me and his usual smile appears. But it doesn’t seem quite as sincere as usual. He rolls down the window.
“Evening Mutou, something I can do for you?”
“Not really. I just wanted to chat.”
Then he says the kind of thing that makes me regret trying to help.
“Listen, I’m flattered, really. But I don't swing that way. At least, I don't think I do.” He winks at me.
He speaks like this to his senior colleagues. Who KNOWS what he says to students?
I sigh and ignore his joke, “Look, I’m just going to cut the chase here. I saw you a moment ago. You looked upset. I wanted to see if you'd like to talk.”
His smile fades and he tightly grips his steering wheel with both hands. His knuckles go white as he’s silent for several seconds. Then his smile returns and he looks up at me.
“I live in the town at the bottom of the hill. Do you want to come have a drink?” He laughs at himself like he said something hysterical, causing me to sigh in frustration. “I think I just mean to talk. But hey, I won't rule out anything. Let's see where the night takes us.”
I sigh again, “Sure, I’ll come over for a drink.”
…
I’ve just entered the nurse’s apartment. It feels more like a high school dorm room than the dwelling of a grown man. There are anime and professional wrestling posters on the walls and a tall bookshelf filled with manga. Luckily it is much cleaner than your typical high school dorm room. In fact, it’s cleaner than my place.
He walks towards me with a beer bottle in each hand and extends one to me. “All I have is beer, that work for you?”
“Definitely. It happens to be my drink of choice.”
I look at the bottle and see that it is a Kirin lager and smile before taking a drink, “This…actually happens to be my favorite beer. I have it in my fridge at home.”
He smirks, “You have good taste, then.”
We sit down around his kotatsu. I’m thankful he has one. It's cold enough outside that the chill has made its way inside.
“So…you married?”
Apparently we're starting with small talk. I suppose it’s difficult to jump right into whatever’s bothering him.
I shake my head. “No children either.”
“What are you doing for the holidays?”
“Spending it with my sister and her family. You?”
“I'll be going back home the day after tomorrow. Sapporo. How long have you been at Yamaku?”
“I suppose it’s been…12 years now. Look I…do need to be getting home before it gets too late. I have the drive to Sendai ahead of me. So...if you want to talk about what’s bothering you…”
He nods, sighs, and then is silent for several seconds. “How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“The job.”
“You’re…going to have to be more specific.”
“Alright. How do you let yourself get to know these kids? Some of them have been dealt awful hands in life. And I just…feel it weighing on me. Even when I’m at home. Even when I’m trying to sleep. Even when I’m trying to enjoy something I love. I…just can’t escape it.”
I frown, “Ah, I see.”
“I’m a nurse. I’ve seen some shit. Dealt with plenty of hard cases before ever coming here. I’ve lost patients who were under my care. And that's always hard. But…this is different.”
“Different how?”
“Well…with a few exceptions, I haven’t gotten especially close with my patients. I treat them and just have a few silly conversations here and there. Now…I have patients I see all the time. Some I see every day. I like these kids. I like talking to them. Learning about them. Helping them.”
“I don’t understand. That's good, isn’t it? I like getting to know the students too.”
He sighs and leans forward, holding his hands over his face. He takes a deep breath and sits back up.
“It’s…mostly good. And most of them have manageable conditions. It's tough, but they will be able to live full lives. Helping them do that and understand all the possibilities that are open to them is great. But…that's not all of them…” He trails off and looks very grim.
It takes me a moment, and then I realize where he is going with this. ”Ah. You mean, the ones who…will have short lives.”
He nods and sighs. “Some that aren’t even guaranteed to make it to graduation. And I'm supposed to just sit there, chat with them, get to know them and come up with treatment plans for them that best allow them to manage their health and attend school?”
“Yes. You are.”
He scoffs at me and crosses his arms. He looks more than a little annoyed with me. “That’s easy for you to say. You don't have to deal with the medical side of things. Not really.”
“You're absolutely right. I don't envy your position. But we are here to give these students the best education we can. To give them the best school life we can. No matter what. You're as much a part of that as I am.”
He smiles, “Can I have that last part in writing? I’d like to show it to some of your fellow teachers when they get annoyed with me.”
I chuckle, “Sure. If it helps.”
He sighs and runs his hand through his hair, “You're right. Of course you are. You have the air of a guy who stays even keeled and is always right.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “Is that a good thing?”
He smirks, “I don't know if it's good or bad, but…your level headedness is certainly helpful right now.”
I chuckle, “Okay then.”
He takes a drink of his beer and then opens his mouth, closes it, opens it, and closes it again. He has the same look on his face as he did in his car earlier. Clearly he wants to say something, but I'm not going to force him.
He takes another long drink, looks me in the eye and quietly says, “H-have you…ever lost a student?”
I frown and take a drink of my own and then say, “I…have. More than one.”
“Does it suck as much as I'm expecting?”
“Probably more. It's like you said…getting to know them, seeing them grow as people, it's great. But it also makes it hurt when they pass. Especially…” I feel myself starting to choke up so I clear my throat and take a drink of my beer. “...especially because they are so young.”
“How do you just…keep doing it?”
“Because it's worth it.”
He sighs, “I'm not so sure.”
“Getting to know them, seeing them grow…that's the reward. For any student. Whether they graduate…or not. You do your best to help them live their lives and in return…they enrich yours. That's what it's all about. Sometimes…sometimes helping the ones who have it the hardest can be the most rewarding, even if it hurts.”
He nods, “Well…you've been there. I will take your word for it.”
“You'll have to decide for yourself whether it's worth it some day. But…listening to you tonight, I know you really care about the students. So I think you'll come to the same conclusion.”
He nods, “I guess we'll see. Hey…thanks for talking to me about all this. You helped reel me in. And…the fact you've been through the worst and keep going…makes me feel like I can do it.”
He gets up and throws away his beer bottle before getting a new one from the fridge. When he sits down, he looks like he’s back to his normal self. Silly smile and all. While I'm glad he's feeling more like himself and I helped him get there, I also know that it probably means he's about to get very annoying.
“So, the night is young. I've got a fridge full of beer. Should we see how many it takes before things get interesting?” He punctuates his sentence with a suggestive wink.
I sigh, shake my head at him and stand up. “If you're feeling better about things, I think I'll be going. Thank you for the beer.”
He pouts at me, “Okay, if you have to.” He stands up and walks with me to the door and opens it for me. As I’m about to step out he says, “Do you think we could make this a regular thing?”
I really want to say no. He’s going to drive me up a wall. But...talking with him about this has helped me feel better about things too, I hate to admit. He’s also proven to me that he’s far more serious about his job than I had given him credit for. I certainly respect him more now. Still, I can't believe I'm about to say…
“Sure.”
He nods thankfully and then I step out of his apartment. Then he says, “Great! This was an amazing first date. I’m glad we’re going steady now. See you soon, babe. Merry Christmas. ” Then he gives me a wink and closes the door behind me.
What have I just gotten myself into?
