Yet Another One-shot Repository (New Entry 12/6/23)

[Mirage_GSM]

Short.
Fun.
Miki.
I like it.

I’m not about that life

Had to consult urban dictionary for that one. Still not sure what exactly Miki meant in that context...
Also, do people actually say "boobs" accidentally in conversations? Jokes like that always destroy immersion for me.

But the most unrealistic thing in here: Miki being almost the first to class

[Scroff]

It's not so unusual to say what you're thinking about instead of what you're supposed to be talking about, happens to me all the chocolate biscuits

Miki must be in full-on troll mode though, most of the time she thinks surnames are too stuffy...

[ProfAllister]

A nice little piece. I would've liked a bit more detail on Hisao - it reads as though he froze in place once Shizune and Misha walked in, whereas I would expect no end to the stuttering and blushing and general discomfort from him.

Much as I enjoy playing up Hisao's impotence (I really do), I wanted this to be a scene of rapid escalation, and writing out all of Hisao's reactions felt like it was just bogging down the energy of the scene. If I ever decide to attempt a full-on Miki route (no chance in hell of me starting that before I finish FWoaN), I may revisit this scene to see if I changed my tune.

I’m not about that life

Had to consult urban dictionary for that one. Still not sure what exactly Miki meant in that context...

Sadly, Urban Dictionary can only carry you so far. Especially when it's not a sexual euphemism. I'd translate it as "that's really not my style"; other people may be into it, and that's cool, but it's not for me.

Also, do people actually say "boobs" accidentally in conversations? Jokes like that always destroy immersion for me.

The classic joke is that a Freudian Slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother. Also, in typical weeb fashion, I was approaching this from the translation convention that they're actually speaking Japanese, which makes the misspeak slightly more believable, as "oppai" (boobs) has enough phonetic similarity to "Nakai" that there's more possibility of unintentional substitution.

Phonetic similarity aside, these sorts of substitutions do happen for some people more than others. Unfortunately, the written word makes it a lot trickier to convey the subtleties I was going for. In this instance, Hisao wasn't really flustered by Miki's chest. It was more of a "try not to think of a pink elephant" scenario. He's trying to be a gentleman, playing it cool; Miki talks to him, he casually responds absentmindedly, then hears what he says. The Freudian Slip comes through the lack of thought and automatic nature of Hisao introducing himself.

TL;DR - it happens, but rarely int he way depicted in movies and TV shows.

But the most unrealistic thing in here: Miki being almost the first to class

Hey, she may have misread the clock. :p

Miki must be in full-on troll mode though, most of the time she thinks surnames are too stuffy...

I'll admit that that was a factual detail I missed, since I didn't bother to re-research the canon Miki scenes. That being said, Miki's preference to dispense with surnames feels less "natural" than it does for the other girls. I'd go into detail on the intricacies of name usage between guys and girls in Japan, but, frankly, I'd probably get it wrong. Fortunately, there's a Western analogue. Among teenage boys, especially sports-minded boys, they tend to be far more comfortable addressing each other by surname. By my read, everything about Miki screams that she wants to be "one of the guys" - except for that "surnames are stuffy" bit. So, to put it bluntly, this is one of those extremely rare instances in which I'd be inclined to say that the canon got it wrong. It may be a failure of imagination on my part, but I can't see why she would deliberately "other" herself in this way, when she makes so many attempts otherwise to fit in.

[Mirage_GSM]

Sadly, Urban Dictionary can only carry you so far. Especially when it's not a sexual euphemism. I'd translate it as "that's really not my style"; other people may be into it, and that's cool, but it's not for me.

Oh, so it was about the name, not the boob thing...

[ProfAllister]

Karaoke Night
25 Years Later...
A Very Student Council Christmas
Sharks and Minnows
Katawa Shoujo: The Musical!
So She Dances
Hokkaido: a Turning Point
Where Are They Now?
Freaks and Friends Super Happy Funtime Christmas Special
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow
Two Halves Make a Hole
The Death and Return of Niji
Meeting Miki
War Diary 31-10-2007 (You Are Here)
Three Bits of Silliness
Onsen a Lifetime (Separate Thread)
A Christmas Sketch (Separate Thread)
A Convenient Distraction
Dreams By Firelight
Dear Hisao (Separate Thread)
Samosa Surprise (Separate Thread)


A Little Treat for the Season


War Diary 31-10-2007

Damn it.

How did it end up this way? Everything was going so well. The op was progressing smoothly.

And then all hell broke loose.

It was a weekly reconnaissance run - infiltrate the replenishment hive, gather Intel, and get the hell out of Dodge. Routine stuff. I could practically do it in my sleep. I probably have a few times.

But not this time.

It started off normally. I began at twilight, when their lookouts are disabled as they transition between night vision and day vision. The hive antechamber had a few mindless drones milling about - easily avoided. And I managed to snag a crucial bit of intel - excited chatter about an “event.”

If only I had known. If only.

Taking no heed of the warning signs, I penetrated deeper. The corridors seemed unusually poorly maintained, as if the hive had been abandoned, leaving only the spiders - their natural allies.

I should have turned back. I should have run.

Like a fool, I ignored my gut. My gut, who had been such a loyal ally through thick and thin - and I betrayed it. I had gotten overconfident. In spite of the dilapidated state of the corridors, the hive was unusually active, soldiers darting between chambers, communicating in their rapid, high-pitched manner.

And then it happened.

Concurrent with the setting sun, the hellish voice of the Hive's leadership echoed throughout.

“Attention, ladies! It's showtime~!”

A single click, and everything went dark. A second click, and the hive was transformed into a nightmarish hellscape. The cobwebs began to glow, as if a luminescent fungus. To my horror, I realised my own clothing had been contaminated, as it, too, gave off an eerie glow. Needless to say, survival required that I relieve myself of the offending articles.

And then they appeared.

I was used to seeing them in their routine shadow interactions. I had theories as to which they each concealed. Little did I expect that this “event” was an opportunity to discard all pretense.

Some of the revelations were unsurprising - such as the pale one who avoided sunlight appearing garbed in the full regalia of Romanian nobility. Others were more perplexing - like the dark-skinned runner revealed to be a convenience store clerk specialising in sporting goods and power tools. But one and all, my darkest suspicions were confirmed.

And so here I am, surrounded by a horde of monsters in their home territory, now seeing no need to hide their nature. And me clad only with my wits.

It's almost unfair. For them.

Nevertheless, I should remain cautious. To break into open conflict this early may be a great victory on the small scale, but could ultimately cost us the war. The Intel I've collected today will be explosive in the long run, but only if they don't know I know.

“Excuse me, are you all right? You seem to be breathing heavily.”

Crap. It's the Mafia princess. But she has gossamer wings and wields an aetherial wand. A fairy?

Of course! The Mafia isn't run by godfathers, but godmothers. It's so obvious!

No time to exult in my brilliant deduction, though. This one knows me. Capitalising on the poor lighting, I take a deep breath, and release the manliest ululation I can muster, then make a break for the rear exit. I've learned that they foolishly leave that route of egress unguarded.

With a quick sprint, I throw my weight against the door and am greeted with the welcome chill air of success.

Today, a great blow has been struck against the Feminist forces, yet they remain none the wiser. This calls for a celebration. Unfortunately, I only have large bills on hand.

I should see if my hallmate can spot me the cost of a pizza.

[Mirage_GSM]

Hmm... At first I equated the "replenishment hive" with the Aura Mart, but that doesn't work out so well... The cafeteria? But that doesn't fit the "weekly"...

[Raimen]

When I first read it, I thought it was a literal hive. Like some kind of crazy horror show or a really bad nightmare. So basically, Kenji.

I did notice a typo.. "soldiers dating between chambers" should be "soldiers darting between chambers". Although I guess "dating"also presents possibilities that I don't want to consider. So basically, Kenji.

[ProfAllister]

Hmm... At first I equated the "replenishment hive" with the Aura Mart, but that doesn't work out so well... The cafeteria? But that doesn't fit the "weekly"...

I had assumed it was pretty obvious that it was the girls' dormitories. Evidently not.

[ProfAllister]

Karaoke Night
25 Years Later...
A Very Student Council Christmas
Sharks and Minnows
Katawa Shoujo: The Musical!
So She Dances
Hokkaido: a Turning Point
Where Are They Now?
Freaks and Friends Super Happy Funtime Christmas Special
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow
Two Halves Make a Hole
The Death and Return of Niji
Meeting Miki
War Diary 31-10-2007
Three Bits of Silliness(You Are Here)
Onsen a Lifetime (Separate Thread)
A Christmas Sketch (Separate Thread)
A Convenient Distraction
Dreams By Firelight
Dear Hisao (Separate Thread)
Samosa Surprise (Separate Thread)

Various bits of dumb fun I've had pop into my head at one time or another

Katawa Spec Ops

“The objective is 22 kliks from your current position. Perimeter defenses are lightly manned, but there are significant barriers and automated defenses you’ll have to handle. Additionally, intel suggests that there will be plenty of defenses when you get inside.”

“Copy that, Sat-Eye. I’ve got it covered.”

“My, my, Bear-Cycle, aren’t you confident today?”

“Always am, always will be. I’ve never failed yet!”

I glance at the other three passengers, who meet my own gaze with shrugs or similarly concerned expressions. Bear-Cycle was the vehicle specialist, and a reliable one at that. She could get anyone anywhere faster than anyone else - but it wouldn’t always be pretty.

The Radio crackles back to life. “Hawk-Eye says cut the chatter. Also, the perimeter defenses are now unmanned.”

That would be Shut-Eye, Hawk-Eye’s spotter. Given their individual personalities, you wouldn’t expect them to work well together, but they make one hell of a sniper team.

I pause to once again question who came up with these codenames - how many “-Eye”s can you have in a single squad, anyway?

“Okay, ladies,” Bear-Cycle calls back, “I hope you like it rough, because I’m going in dry!”

We brace for impact as the modified APC smashes through the reinforced concrete walls like they were tissue paper. Pulling a sharp U-turn as she brakes, Bear-Cycle gives us the all-clear to disembark.

Kicking open the doors, we see that Bear-Cycle did a good job of getting us near the door. The alarms are blaring, but there’s no one in sight around the door. We’re in the clear now, as the automated defenses are preoccupied with the APC, but that won’t last long.

“Remember,” Kaiser warns us, hefting her imposing weapon, “this building’s full of volatile chems, so no guns. The slightest spark and this whole place will go up in flames. Zooker, you and Machinegun take point; I’ll cover the rear.”

One breach charge later and we’re in, just in time to see Bear-Cycle pull out before things get too messy.

The Zooker is our unarmed specialist - silently and efficiently taking out targets with a few well-placed kicks. Machinegun couldn’t be any more different, her inhumanly fast hands quickly becoming a blur of spinning knives and haymakers while she laughs - as if this were all a game.
We make short work of the guards as we quickly approach the objective. These are supposedly elite forces, so I guess we’re just more elite.

Once we finally get there, it’s my turn. I grab the package, which is the easy part. Then I leave a few packages of my own - to remember me by.

“All clear! Let’s move!”

It’s nearly as easy to get out as it was to get in, which is mildly disappointing. We emerge from the building to see Shower-Copter raining down suppressing fire, a rope ladder waiting. We quickly climb up and in.

Once inside, Kaiser turns her heavily scarred face in my direction. “Now it’s your turn, Nuke-Guy.”

I nod, pulling out the detonator remote. “Alright! Let’s blow this popsicle stand!”

Overheard in the Workshop

“So, you're the new transfer? Welcome aboard.”

“Thank you, sir, I'll do my best.”

“That's the kind of attitude we expect around here. The name's Twinkleberry Mistletoes, but folks on the floor just call me 'Bar.’”

“It is an honor to meet you, Sir Bear. I am Rek'nyur Nahfrum Run’dyur, called Featherstride, son of Ialdiv, called Twigsnapper.”

“It's 'Bar.’ So, Rek, am I off in my guess that you're a cookie elf?”

“Yes, sir. Meaning no, sir, I am not. I am of the sexy murder elves.”

“Right. That would explain the height and unearthly beauty. Doesn't matter. Starting today, you're a toy elf.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Ah, sorry about the uniform, by the way. We don't get many folks your size. I'm sure our tailors can get you fixed up once Crunch Time is over.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Enough with the 'sir’! I may look old, but we're practically the same age! Call me 'Bar’ - like 'berry’, but without the 're’.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Bear, sir.”

“Sigh We'll work on that. Anyway, let's get down to business. Here's a stack of giftee profiles. We're going to determine what Santa brings them this year.”

“Japan, sir? I was under the impression that Christmas was a romantic couples-oriented holiday there.”

“You've done your homework, then. Smart kid. That would be accurate, but here we're working under the Holiday Special Claus.”

“Clause? As in a contract?”

“No, the Tim Allen movie robbed that wordplay of any further comedic value. I'm referring to the Santa Auxiliary Corps.”

“The Santa Auxiliary Corps?”

“Didn't they cover this in orientation? Even with magic and modern technology, a global rollout is too big a job for one man. And you should already know about some of the more famous Auxiliaries - Zwarte Piet, Krampus, Colonel Sanders…”

“Holiday Special Claus?”

“Exactly. You know about the Big Guy, right? Saint Nicholas of Myra. Early bishop. Made charitable donations under cover of night so people wouldn't know it was him.”

“That didn't work, evidently.”

“Eh, it's the thought that counts. He's why three gold balls are used as a symbol for pawn shops. Anyway, his next biggest claim to fame was slugging a heretic in the face. Not good for PR.”

“I can imagine.”

“Anyway, that's where HS Claus comes in. He's a bit of an alcoholic, so he's always three sheets to the wind, but he's a happy drunk. That's why the candy canes - the peppermint hides the smell of the booze. He shows up, smiles and waves, drops of gifts, the whole shebang. A big feel good song and dance, folks eat it up, everyone's happy.”

“And for us, that means we get gifts for people who don't even celebrate Christmas?”

“Exactly. Now, who's the first in our stack?”

“Looks like someone from a high school in Sendai.Yamaku Academy. Satou Lilly. It lists her as ‘naughty’. Coal, right?”

“If we were in the Main Office, sure. But here in the Holiday Special Division, we’re all about the feel-good factor. We don’t really do ‘naughty and nice’. When we say ‘naughty’, it’s naughty in a ‘Santa Baby’ sort of way. Means they like sex. A lot. So, in this case, let’s go with the old standby of lingerie and a riding crop.”

“...Uhm, okay. You’re the boss. Next up is… Hakamichi Shizune. And it looks like she wrote a letter to Santa. Why would she do that?”

“Read the profile. Girl likes her paperwork. What did she ask for this year.”

“Let’s see… Looks like… lingerie and a riding crop.”

“Funny coincidence. Who’s next?”
“Ibarazaki Emi, but something seems wrong here. I can barely read anything here.”

“Some of our agents have terrible handwriting. Let me take a look. I can see something about ‘fastest’, ‘speed’, and ‘track’. From her size, I’m gonna guess she’s an aspiring horse racing jockey, so some sort of horse race paraphernalia would be good. She’s also pretty flat, so maybe throw in a padded bra?”

“...lingerie and a riding crop?”

“Sounds great! Who’s next?”

“Tezuka Rin. Agent’s notes are a single sentence: ‘I have no fucking clue.’”

“Hmmm… tricky. This calls for the Wheel of Decision. Back in the day, it was a massive wheel which got its own warehouse and maintenance team. These days it’s a smartphone app. Lessee… ‘Spin again twice’... ‘Lingerie” and… ‘Riding Crop’. Huh.”

“Okay, last one. Nomiya Shinichi. ‘Sexual deviant’, something about a ‘sex dungeon’. Let me guess: Lingerie and a riding crop?”

“Nah, he’s an artist. He’ll get more mileage out of a set of Copics.”

The 12 days of KS

On the 12th day of KS, my waifu gave to me...

Twelve Huffers Huffing
Eleven Kittens Playing
Ten Hideakis
Nine Lawyers Boozing
Eight Men of Science
Seven Planes to Scotland
Six Track Shed Lemons
Five Wahahas
Four Feminists
Three Chess Boards
Two Games of Risk
And a heart attack in the fallen snow

[Mirage_GSM]

I have to admit I have no idea why the first one is supposed to be a KS Fanfic, but I liked the second one... Had to look up "copics" though...

[ProfAllister]

Just dumb fun corrupting the KS surnames into callsigns, then giving them some degree of overlapping traits. Part of the reason I sat on posting it is how barely KS it is. Not enough to stand on its own.

[ProfAllister]

Karaoke Night
25 Years Later...
A Very Student Council Christmas
Sharks and Minnows
Katawa Shoujo: The Musical!
So She Dances
Hokkaido: a Turning Point
Where Are They Now?
Freaks and Friends Super Happy Funtime Christmas Special
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow
Two Halves Make a Hole
The Death and Return of Niji
Meeting Miki
War Diary 31-10-2007
Three Bits of Silliness
Onsen a Lifetime (Separate Thread)
A Christmas Sketch (Separate Thread)
A Convenient Distraction (You Are Here)
Dreams By Firelight
Dear Hisao (Separate Thread)
Samosa Surprise (Separate Thread)


The following post was written in response to Stiles Long's writing contest. Each participant was given a list of KS character pairings and a list of locations. One of each was chosen for this fic. There were a limited set of options available to participants in the contest and it may be that this fic resembles others. Any such resemblance is coincidental.


A Convenient Distraction


Okay, girl, you can do this. It’s just a trip to the convenience store. Lilly is busy this time, but you don’t need Lilly. Just go in there, get what you need, and pay at the register. No need to chat, or even make eye contact. No one cares, and they’ll leave you alone. You’ve got this. Just act casual.

***

Okay, dude, you can do this. It’s just a routine supply run. Milk, pretzels, olives, and… something else. It doesn’t matter; lists are for weaklings. With my superior intellect, I’m sure to remember what I need. Just go in, get what you need, pay at the register. Even if the infiltration got this far, they’re clueless. You’ve got this. Just act casual.

***

Let’s see… feminine products, a couple convenient meals, something to cook, and… thyme sounds like a good spice.

Huh?

I thought I was the only person in the store, but it looks like there’s someone else. Another student. One of Lilly’s classmates.

... Is he humming the theme to Megamechametaranger Shōyu: Savory Breakfast Squad?

I love that show!

***

My heightened senses pick up some movement behind me. A feminist agent no doubt.

A surreptitious glance confirms my suspicions - it’s the Class Rep’s lieutenant. She quietly moves into position, her back to my own. When she speaks, her words are barely above a whisper.

“Th-the best way to defeat an unbalanced foe is with a balanced breakfast.”

I’m no fool. I can recognise a code phrase when I hear one. The question is: ‘why?’ She can’t possibly have mistaken me for a contact, and I was never given the other have of a recognition exchange. Only one way to answer, then.

“How much do you know?”

She chuckles, clearly amused by her belief that she has the upper hand. “Pretty much all of it, I guess.”

This is bad. The whole operation compromised. She’s probably ready to go for the killing blow any second. I need to distract her. I need to buy time.

“... How?”

No dice. Another laugh, and a taunting response. “It’s just a talent, I guess. I’ve got a good ear.”

***

Now this boy’s acting a little funny. One moment he’s in awe of my ability to learn all the songs from my favorite show, and the next he looks like his life’s over. Maybe he’s embarrassed about still liking a kids’ show?

Very gently, I reach over and touch his shoulder.

“You don’t have to worry. Your secret’s safe with me. I’m a fan. ‘Savory Soldiers stick together - like nattō and rice.’”

***

I can barely believe my ears. Slowly, I turn around to face this unexpected ally. As I look into her eyes, it’s obvious how mistaken I was. This isn’t a feminist spy out for my vital essences; this is an honest-to-god woman.

It all make so much sense - that scarring is clearly the result of intense torture from the harpies who are intensely jealous of the natural beauty of a real woman. Yet, in spite of the torture and bondage, she has the wherewithal to seek out her savior, locate him in spite of his brilliant evasion techniques, and approach him for aid.

It’s beautiful. Enough to make an old soldier cry.

No time for sentimentality, though. I check my pockets for some paper. A pizza receipt. It will have to do. I quickly jot down my room number and a passphrase.

“Tonight at 11. We can discuss everything.”

Wordlessly, she takes the receipt, nods her head, and leaves.

***

That was… unexpectedly thrilling. I made a friend, all by myself - on my own initiative! And the way he looked at me - it was like he didn’t even see my scars. He didn’t look at me like some pitiful victim - he saw me as an equal. And his eyes were pretty cute, too.

I take another look at the paper. His room number, obviously. Going to a boy’s room after curfew. Lilly would be scandalised! Should I bring my box set? Nah, he also wrote “Sugar Dumpling” - it takes a dedicated fan to know the nickname the Purple Paladin’s little sister gave her in episode 237.

Wait a minute…

Where are my groceries?

***

It’s a good thing I’m so perceptive. She “conveniently” forgot her basket when she left. Clearly, she’s telling me that I’ll need these supplies for something big. No idea what purpose these things will serve, but I’m sure it will be obvious when I need them.

Oh! That reminds me! I know what I was forgetting to pick up! Bacon!

[brythain]

That was fun! Also, more bad jokes than mine.

[Mirage_GSM]

That was certainly a very unexpected (and, yes, fun) portrayal of Hanako

Though it took me a while to realize "Megamechametaranger" was not Japanese...

[Hanako Fancopter]

Short and fun! Very similar concept to the Rin x Kenji one that I wrote, though I imagine that's coincidental. Just goes to show great minds think alike. Also, after that last line, you are never allowed to get onto me for memes, forced jokes, etc. ever again