Katawa Shoujo Forums

Fixed The Errors

griffon8 wrote: Also, you've got extra capitalization (Rest, Clapping, Because).

I do that lots, I like the look of the words when they have capitals, I'ts my weakness. I try to fix them before I post, but I seem to have missed a couple

Just got a new Keyboard and i can't work it properly yet, i keep pressing the wrong buttons and things :P does that happen to everyone? or am i just retarded like that ?


Part Four: Agreement, Painkillers and torture


“I was thinking something along the lines of buying you lunch, or something ...

Ah Ha! I knew it!

"My thougts wonder to the three people..."

My guess is that her thoughts wander. In the case of this character her thoughts probably could also wonder, but then they should wonder about the three people and not to them :-)

Man, that made me Laugh so hard...


I'll get right on fixing that :P ...

Whoa Whoa... back up.....
Who did Hisao run into?
Lily?
Or just some random?
Or did i miss something?
I may have missed something...

Nice little story though.
I enjoyed it.

This one took a bit longer to write, it's also bigger then the others. and it has a bit too much dialogue, which is the opposite of what i wanted but, meh


Part Three: Takin’ Names, breakin’ Doors and Throwin’ Notes


“And I’m Haruka Uchida, um, I moved here from Hachinohe from up north, um” It ...

Thanks for pointing those out, I'll get to changing them when I'm back from work... (on an early lunch break, stealing their webs >.> )

Edit:

There is a change in there wanting to be a chance

I JUST saw what you did there!


Fixed the Grammatical errors.

Tip: Don't try to base it on an actual condition - you can only get it wrong with such things.
Think of what you want her condition be like, write down the rules and stick with them. That way nobody can complain.

Thanks for the info. :mrgreen:

Oh, and there is a change in there wanting to be a ...

The Plot Thickens... Mwhahaha. ahem. yea.



Part Two: Get out of my head, Bitch


The Taxi Driver places my suitcase on the edge of the footpath as I fish through my purse for the appropriate amount of money. Aha! There you are you-
“Here you go” I Say as I hand him some notes and coins ...

One thing though: Her brother is called Karen???

Thanks for the feedback. :D

As for the name.... uh... yea, it is... i should probably explain that one.

Being 4am and tired as all shit, when i was coming up for names for my characters i thought of a character in one of my favorite novel series ...

They have a mental condition?
I thought Yamaku doesn't accept students with mental conditions?

She has a Mental and Physical Condition. She keeps her mental condition in check with those pills she hates so much. *Cough Cough* although sometimes they don't work as well as they should >.> *cough ...

Hey Guys/Girls etc. im gonna give a tiny bit of back-story as to the reason why this is here.
This is my first piece of story Writing outside of school, and the First piece of Fan-Fiction I've ever written. Ever. :oops:
During an episode of insomnia, a friend i was talking to suggested i write ...

You...... You...... Mother..... Fucking........
Making me tear up and shit.
Glorious..... Absolutely Glorious.

If that had ended badly, (which is what it seemed like for a bit there) i was ready to flip my shit. BUT!, then it ended on a positive note....man. These Feels. I'm feeling them.

You seem to end the scenes perfectly, because every time i hit the end I'm like "Gah! Don't End there, What happens next?!?!"

I love it.

Mirage_GSM wrote: Fixed that for you.
No need to thank me

My fingers are frozen and its hard to type.... that's my excuse and I'm sticking with it >.>

Thanks for the correction