Katawa Shoujo Forums

You might consider approaching someone (preferably someone that has played KS) to be your proofreader. Proof-reading your own stories is good, but you may not happen to spot all the flaws/mistakes/anomalies. I normally get a bit more feedback from the Steam group before posting, but I was impatient...

The scene where Hanako is freaking out as Lilly and Hisao approach seem to drag on for far too long. Lilly and Hisao must be very slow walkers. My idea was the same that AF came up with: the mind thinks quickly in crisis situations. Most of that scene is Hanako's thoughts. Also, I could get lazy an...

By request. The premise here is simple: Hisao and Lilly trying to salvage the bad end of Hanako's route. This is in stark contrast to the last piece I did, which was focused on keeping a neutral ending neutral. I also took a few liberties with the canon in Hanako's storyline. So far, this has only ...

Whar I don't understand at all is Hisao. First, he makes her remember, then he leaves her again. First he's certain it will work out this time, then he loses hope from one moment to the other... I can't follow the reasons for even half his mood swings in this short piece... I could pull the "m...

While I don't necessarily agree that Rin is quite as fractured as you make it seem, I do think it's an open-ended question left by the original VN - regardless of which end you get, really. Assuming a pseudonym like that and altering the way you act, perhaps even forgetting parts of your past, soun...

This is a follow-up to Rin's neutral ending, told from Hisao's perspective. It takes place a couple years after the neutral ending itself and explores one of Rin's big themes in her route. Big thanks to Meadows and Scissorlips for their thoughts and proofreads. This story would be much more shallow...

Dammit, Meadows, you beat me to it. :( Was hoping I could get in on the lack of Miki after a couple more one-shots. This is a good start. I like your introduction of Miki, her dialogue seems to fit her at this point. I'm curious to see where you take her character, given how open-ended she is at thi...

There's only one thing you need to change around. When a different person starts speaking, it needs to be in a different paragraph. I had to reread a few lines in that to figure out who was talking at times. I thought I caught all those. Isn't the rule that you can't have dialogue from different sp...

I have to admit this story surprised me a bit... By not being surprising at all. The way you were avoiding any hints as to the narrator's gender for the first half of the story had me thinking you were building up to some elaborate reveal or other, but then you just casually mentioned Hisao's name....

I liked it through and through. No gripes with the concision or how it begun/ended. In my opinion that's just you being overly harsh on your own work, but that's a good thing. Don't change that. I've always been my biggest critic. My Lit and Lang professors always loved what I wrote, I was never co...

A Miki one-shot I wrote today. I had a fit of inspiration. I'm not really a fan of either the ending or the transition into said ending, so I'm open to feedback on that end especially. It's also incredibly short. I'm a concise writer, so sue me. Ride: A Miki Short A chilling draft blows across my le...

I don't think that it makes him unrelatable at all. I think it casts him as a typical teenager who happens to be lost in the throes of romance. He's willing to try anything to get into Rika's head, to see what she sees. We are socially curious creatures, we long to understand things we don't underst...

Very well written so far. I like the idea of turning this into a detective story a la Law and Order. Most of Lelouch's references are pretty obvious, but it took me a moment to figure out why Shizune was Two Van Gogh: Van Gogh is famous for cutting off his ear and sending it to his mistress (deafnes...

That question is still lingering in the back of my head. Damn your cliffhangers. An excellent read as always, and a refreshing update after suffering from a week's worth of withdrawal. I feel like something classical would suit the theme of the game and her more. Like Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. I...

Oddball wrote:Just because I'm curious, what parts did you all think were the funniest?

"Yo' Misha, Pass something along for me. Tell her if she's going to bend over, not to do it right in front of my face."

God, Miki, thank you so much for that.