Search found 5623 matches

by Mirage_GSM
Tue Feb 27, 2024 6:13 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
Replies: 20
Views: 1609

Re: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route

So a month has gone by... You still haven't mentioned her having called her parents or any of her frineds so far. I know Hisao didn't either, but his state of mind and the circumstances of him leaving were quite different. Looking forward to maybe getting some more info on that in the next chapter. ...
by Mirage_GSM
Tue Feb 20, 2024 12:18 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
Replies: 20
Views: 1609

Re: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route

You seem to have put a lot of effort into researching epilepsy and its treatments and side-effects. I learned a few bits I hadn't been aware of before. Two small fixes: “A bit more traditional, but still a little exotic compared to what you’re used to.” So it's both more traditional AND more exotic ...
by Mirage_GSM
Tue Feb 20, 2024 10:54 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Yamaku: The Next Generation (COMPLETE!)
Replies: 88
Views: 92852

Re: Yamaku: The Next Generation (COMPLETE!)

Congratulations on completing the story! It was quite the ride. I don't think I've ever seen anyone post such a long story in such a short timeframe - and this high quality at that. A story with Junichiro as the protagonist might be... depressing... Also here my final two annotations :-) She just sa...
by Mirage_GSM
Mon Feb 05, 2024 7:41 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
Replies: 20
Views: 1609

Re: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route

Now you made me crave Japanese curry... I never heard of that chain before, and I've never seen any, but I'll have to look out for them the next time I am in Japan. Looking at their menu, "7" is quite a lot, though: The menu says that levels six and above are limited to those who have alre...
by Mirage_GSM
Sat Feb 03, 2024 8:57 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Yamaku: The Next Generation (COMPLETE!)
Replies: 88
Views: 92852

Re: Yamaku: The Next Generation (Updated: 2/2/2024)

Not sure if this was intentional on your part, but Chikara is a name for males... As are most names containing this kanji or those with a similar meaning... Also "energy" is not quite correct. 力 means "Power" or "Strength" most of the time. "Energy" would be k...
by Mirage_GSM
Thu Feb 01, 2024 7:50 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
Replies: 20
Views: 1609

Re: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route

So, I've caught up now. Main problem is still tenses; everything else is fine. If you want you can send me a google doc link, and I will go over future chapters for proofreading. A few more comments: I see that the sun is only just peaking peeking up over the horizon. As we all make our way back to ...
by Mirage_GSM
Thu Jan 25, 2024 12:43 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Switching Dynamics - A Ritsu Pseudo-Route (Properly)
Replies: 47
Views: 31528

Re: Switching Dynamics - A Ritsu Pseudo-Route (Properly)

Something wrong with the sequence of this dialogue (shortened for clarity): [Ritsu]“Yeah… me too. So, uh, how are you?” ... This is the first time I hear her saying anything that might lead to a conversation of her own initiative, ... I'm also scrambling for things to say. [Hisao?]“I’m fine, yeah. Y...
by Mirage_GSM
Tue Jan 23, 2024 12:10 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
Replies: 20
Views: 1609

Re: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route

I'm not completely done with reading, but I like what I've seen so far. You have made some interesting characters, but you haven't rushed to info-dump all their histories on us from the start. You're kkeping up a nice pacing, and interesting stuff keeps happening - maybe almost a bit too much for ju...
by Mirage_GSM
Mon Jan 01, 2024 12:09 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Running Away To You (A Post Lilly-Neutral Story) (Updated 1/1/24)
Replies: 52
Views: 44325

Re: Running Away To You (A Post Lilly-Neutral Story) (Updated 15/3/23)

Thank you for continuing this story. I'm glad to see it's still going.

One minor point:
It's a bit strange that Hisao - who is the narrator of this story - would refer to his friend, who he is on a first-name basis with, as "Mr. Tatsunagi" in his internal narration...

by Mirage_GSM
Mon Jan 01, 2024 11:20 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Sharp-O's One-Shots! "A Matter of Memory" 05/01/24
Replies: 376
Views: 194942

Re: Sharp-O's One-Shots! "Ecstasy in Motion" 29/12/23

I see Akio and I kissing... I see Akio and I eating "Akio and me" in both cases. Miki carrying around vodka bottle is awfully in character for her, lol. Though probably a bit unnecessary, considering Taro has a whole nightclub in his appartment :-) I also would not necessarily call this s...
by Mirage_GSM
Mon Jan 01, 2024 10:53 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Crafty's One-Shots (Dec 31st, 2023: Happy With Yourself)
Replies: 150
Views: 115085

Re: Crafty's One-Shots (Dec 31st, 2023: Happy With Yourself)

Ah, that was sweet...

And nice to see the story have a happy end after it took a dark turn in the middle. :-)

by Mirage_GSM
Mon Jan 01, 2024 10:34 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Feurox's Den of Sadness Updated 5th of January, 2024
Replies: 107
Views: 72284

Re: Feurox's Den of Sadness Updated 30th of December, 2023

I'm going to assume they died in a car crash, since neither of them had particularly lethal problems :-) (unless Suzu was driving of course.) I also think it' strange that nobody ever bothered to tell Hisao about what happened to Misaki. I'd expect one of the first things to explain to someone who w...
by Mirage_GSM
Mon Jan 01, 2024 10:01 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Shutter Steps (SS23 for StealthyWolf)
Replies: 6
Views: 7406

Re: Shutter Steps (SS23 for StealthyWolf)

“H-he was a second y-year. Wh-when we were second ye-years,” I explain. My first thought was that he had been held back... And there I was wondering that the story was hardly bleak at all up to this point... How naive of me! :oops: That said, it was as always a brilliant story. Not much more I can ...
by Mirage_GSM
Fri Dec 29, 2023 12:13 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Dress Shop Sisters
Replies: 10
Views: 11876

Re: Dress Shop Sisters

I guess if a Japanese couple goes for a "western" wedding they pick and choose from any western tradition they like - and I would not be surprised at all if they mix up the terms... For example here in Germany the concept of "Maid of Honour" does not exist. Both parties bring a &...
by Mirage_GSM
Mon Dec 25, 2023 12:25 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Oneshot thread)
Replies: 60
Views: 41372

Re: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Oneshot thread)

Well, I didn't make any detailed plans or anything, but my first thought was that for some people - especially Hanako - such a box might be quite traumatic...