Katawa Shoujo Forums

While I agree with forgetmenot, one thing I found more jarring was you switching between narrative modes:

You start with a scene from Hisao's point of view in first person perspective.
Then you switch to a few scenes from Iwanako's pov with third person perspective.
The final scene is from Iwanako ...

Thanks for the feedback! This is just kind of a getting-my-feet-wet piece, a jumping-off point of sorts.

Yeah this is just a one-shot, I'm not planning on making it into a whole separate Iwanako "route" or anything.

I'll definitely be writing more, I've discovered I really like to do it recently.

Hey everyone. I'm a (fairly) new writer, and I'm trying my hand at writing with fanfiction, and so I'd appreciate some (brutally) honest feedback, since I really want to get better at this. Don't be afraid to say what's on your mind ...