Katawa Shoujo Forums

Really loving this. I liked the way you had the relationship between them start. Also I'm not normally a huge fan of of but this is in my top 5 fics

Really really enjoying this. I really enjoy your writing

That's actually good, I was going to redo it since no one seemed to like the way I dd it but that explanation might allow me to save a large majority of this instead of haveing to scrap the hole thing thanks :D on mobile now so I really can't put it in now but. Thin ill work that in later to salvage...

Well of course there will be a need to improvise, I don't even have it writen down I just know what I want the last scene/line to be

I kind of got a everything is done wrong unless i do it myself type of vibe

Yeah i guess she did say that, i just figured he wasn't that controlling if he just got up and left the car like he did. But i guess he could turn around and do something like 'come to Scotland or i fire you'

Thanks I knew it was 6 weeks, I just want to be super careful around here.

I personally really enjoy the way you did her father. People normally write him as very controlling over Akira and Lilly and it doesn't seem so in this story and i really like it. I mean if he was controlling he wouldn't of just got out of the car and walked away.

To build on Mirage's comments, you could also skip the letter and just have Iwanako call Hisao on the morning of the first festival. I really considered a call but I decided it might be a bit odd but reading what you wrote kinda gave me a idea, also since you guys got me a good timeline does anyone...

Thank you a lot for that mirage. I really appreciate it. But my plan is for it to end on tanabata. I read a interview with a author and the advice they gave was to create a end fist and let the story fall into its place so I already know how it's middle and end will go I'm just very very stuck ok th...

Blasphemy wrote:Well that's partially because of the ludicrously fast pacing you set up in the first chapter already.

The only reason this was fast pace was to get to the parts with Iwanako, it significantly slows down next chapter

I know. And I know just what your talking about from the tips and its the one thing I could figure out, but any way I have two editors going through it now and they are going to correct any mistakes and such the I'll have them go through the 2 chapter and edit that and have it up sometime soon, the ...

I read the tips thing atleast five times before posting this, and a) this is the first chapter you can't expect everything to be explained or brought up. The next chapter talks all about the events before this starts and a few after that explains why Hisao is acting different, you gotta give me a ch...

I spent a good hour searching online for some kind of time line, do you know of one? Ad thanks for the feedback I'll have my editor do a second check of it for mistakes :) I went through a similar problem when I started my story. The only decent timeline I found is from this post by ProfAllister, a...

Well thanks for all the feedback people, I notice a lot of the issues nom grammatical come from me screwing up the time line. Originally I had this happen 3 days before the festival but I thought that would be pushing it to have the letter arrive to Iwanako so fast. On a different note, I think I ne...