Katawa Shoujo Forums

For what it's worth, I enjoyed reading your little "story" and the numerous grammar errors didn't bother me at all., nor did the odd lay-out for that matter. Because it was irrelevant. The story, that's all I cared about, and I liked it. I carefully read all the critisism. The car crash, too much ...

Wait you honestly think that doctors would literally bring the dead to a hospital room to calm someone down? Really? I thought you were going somewhere with it, like Zombie style fanfic or something. But if that's not the case then that's really irrational behaviour. And yes, the time advance is bad ...

Oh a bad end then. You should really put a warning to the first post for all us Lillybros I mean there is the "all good things must end" but that just made me curious and not warned.

I couldn't say it better than Oddball did.

Is it just me or is the story AND writing getting better every chapter?

I like the way Miki talks to herself. Nice little chapter, keep it up!

Well most of the problem was noted before, but I also noticed on e thing that is my pet peeve - "clustered word usage" (not a native speaker, sorry). Damn this place is big The main building was big enough, with a big grassy area that looked well maintained, almost like a park. You did this a few ...

Nice, first person narrative, yay!
Also the Snoozu nickname made me smile.

The only thing that bugged me... isn't Saturday the day with classes in the morning? Sunday should be free, at least that's what KS said.
Other than that, a really nice read.

Well this part just confirmed that when you add to KS material, it's really good for me. The first few paragraphs were not that strong as the ones from Hisao waking up.

But that as well may be because of the things we already discussed, so thanks for the work.

I like the story so far. Hisao/Lilly is the best for me so focusing on others in parallel is something I don't find often here.

But as others said, the third person PoV is quite bad Other than that I didn't find anything I did not like.

Hey I never thought you would change anything for me, come on, who am I to tell you that I just stated why I liked the PoV parts better.

And to back you up, I too don't think Lilly is so cold as Mirage is portraying her. Although his points are valid, I don't share the conclusion.

I don't think she was at peace with her decision, but I did get the impression she was resigned to it by the time Hisao and Hanako were seeing her off. That's fair I guess. I guess I'm just a romantic. I would like to think that she would be holding onto the last hope that he would stop her at the ...

... But I'm *not* arguing the point of her not wanting to go :) I was just saying that the way it has been handled (the internal dialogue, but also talk with Akira etc.) was highly Out Of Character for me. I am thinking that by the time she left the dorms, she was "at peace" with the choice, not ...

Oh she did not WANT to go, but after thinking it through she chose to go because she HAD to. And yes it was because of some inaction on Hisao's part, sure, but the way presented here looks too "you did not say stay and that's the whole thing". I see it more complex than that.

Theory confirmed. Stopped reading there. Unfortunately :/ After reading this, I cannot really add it to my continuations, because Lilly is just OOC for me here. As long as you only added some internal thought to the canon story, it was great for me, but now (and I'm not saying you wrote it badly ...